To Escape The Flame...Rating...

[Zarbon]

I haven't RPed in a bit, and this is just for comments, I would really like some advice, since this will be a long saga to improve my writing, a get the hell out of here.

Its right here, what you think?

[Jonathan Meer]

Honestly, it seems like it was rushed and written while you were half-asleep. There was little-to-no description. It just seemed like it was moving from one action to another.

It made for a rather boring read, honestly. I'm not saying it was horrid crap, I'm just saying you should polish up your posts a bit more.

EDIT: I forgot what else I was going to say. It was a little repetitive and redundant at a few points. I recommend going back over your writing before you post it and reading it out loud. You'd be amazed how many errors/stylistic inconsistencies you'll find. Just practice, and you'll make it.

[Zarbon]

I'm not in the mood for description right now.

I'll put in more later.

[Jonathan Meer]

I can certainly understand that. There are some days when I could care less about describing anything happening in the post, and there are some days I could go on for a ten-line paragraph about the veins on a leaf.

Your remedy is not necessarily more description, but more style. Give us you. As you practice, you will begin to develop a style that is distinct to yourself. When I first joined the site, my style was dry and generic. Up until a few weeks ago, it was much the same way, until I finally caught my niche during the HF17 spar. Now, with fresh life in my character, I have plenty of roleplaying fodder for him. Instead of figuring out what my character would do in a situation, I can almost literally just let Krillin loose in a situation, and describe what he's doing.

When you do describe something, don't use tons of adjectives or tons of adverbs. Try to describe what's going on through your noun and verb choice. If you do use adjectives and adverbs, make them vivid and alive. Put a fresh spin on things.

I'll be able to give a bit more critiquing as more posts are added. Personally, I'd like to see Recoome's opinion on this, as he seems to be the one who replies to these topics often.

Keep up the work, and it will pay off. That's something I've got to continuously remind myself as well. Power to you, Zarbon.

[Zarbon]

Thats right power to me, you bow!

Erm...I mean...thanks...

I like my second post alot better then my first .

[Zarbon]

I want another person's opition before I post again...

[Zarbon]

I tried to add a bit more into it, and tried to add more of a touch.

Oh and, sorry about the triple post, I hate the time limit .