Application Essay

[Broli]

1) Instead of saying dictionaries around the world, just say "a variety of dictionaries"

2) ...the word "diversity"...

3) ...my name - things that...

4) By excelling in my academic carreer, I have shown that, no matter what your background is - racial, etc. - you (use you, not one; one doesn't stick with first person usage) can succeed and make something of yourself.

5) "stay with me forever, to Ohio State" - Take out forever and just say "will stay with me from Ohio State, if accepted, and beyond." Adding "to Ohio State" is redundant because you've just said it will stick with you forever.

6) I will enroll as a successful... instead of "I will bring"

7) as I realize not many = even though I realize that


Hope I helped.

[Tobias]

If your going for college I would think that you'd need more written than that tiny paragraph.

[Tobias]

Yea I figured there was some sort of guidlines for length.

On a completely Unrelated note. The quote in your sig... were is it from!? I remember hearing it and laughing my ass off but I can remember.