09-29-2005, 08:15 PM
I wander these chilly streets. Streetlights illuminate my path to nowhere. I look up to see the edge of town - dark and uninviting. I make a useless turn on the corner. I head in a new direction but still I'm headed nowhere, still I wander aimlessly. When did I loose the address? When did the phone stop ringing? The self doubt piles up alongside the uncertainties. The weight I carry on my back is of my own creation. I refuse to let it drop and take an easier route.
A car whizzes past, a blur of red tail lights and the roar of a six cylinder engine begging to be opened wide and scream. I pause and admire the way the car slides in and out of the shadow of the streetlights. It gives this part of town some life. "At least something here doesn't feel dead." I say to nobody in particular.
Two girls stroll past on the other side of the street. They giggle to each other, the tired giggle, where it's so late anything seems worthy of a laugh. I tug at my jacket collar, as if to try and warm myself up. My breath trails behind me in a fog. I let out a smile at the two strangers across the street. One smiles back, the other continues to giggle and waves.
I spot a glimmer of hope in that smile - a trace of something I once knew and now lack. I scratch at an itch which isn't really there and look over my shoulder. They've turned a corner, moved on down the street somewhere I might've gone past but never ventured into.
I take a deep breath, the cold air waking up my body as it fills my lungs. Waiting for the walk signal I look at the ground. Someone has stenciled a heart with a question mark inside on the street. "Where's the love?" I keep walking. Darkness on the edge of town is a stones throw away; I walk along its edge.
A few more blocks, a few more crosswalks. The occasional late night straggler. "What?s up man?" "Hey" I'll never see that guy again. If we do neither one of us will remember. I wonder what he's doing out so late. Same reason as me? Different? Does he have somewhere to be, or is he out looking for something?
The air bites at me again. The yawning tells me to head for "home". I cross the street again; letting a car full of people cruise past before I make my way across. "Hey baby!" No shit. I get catcalls from a car. First time for everything I suppose. Even if they are drunk it?s still amusing, still flattering. I appreciate them not driving on the sidewalk, trying to take me out. I'd leap through that damn windshield and tell them what I think about that with the kind of mood I'm in.
I reach another corner. The giggling duo blindsides me from the other direction. "Hi" "You look familiar" A solemn green light shifts to red, its counter parts shift to green. The light hits her face just right as I finally take a good look. For a moment there I drop the weight, she smiles again. "See ya around" "See ya" The numbing cold starts slashing away at my face again. She skips down the street with her friend...why are they out here too? I pretend to look at my phone; I pretend to check my watch, my coat, my wallet, myself.
I stall just to watch her leave. She's leaving. Run you idiot! Chase her down! I shake the doubts and worries. I give in to passion, to desire. Take a chance while you still can. I hear nothing but the roar of the wind past my ears and my heart pounding in my chest. They round a corner two blocks down. I curse my hesitation and run harder.
I grab the light pole and swing myself around. I'm greeted by an empty street. A light flickers, almost to say nobody is here. Where did she go? I look franticly. Which door? A car maybe? Shit. I did it again.
"Did you run all the way over here?" A newly familiar sound from behind. A door closes. I'm leaning against a light post. The sound of a quiet city is the backdrop to a yellowed sidewalk and blackened night. I turn to see her. I smile like an idiot. "Yeah, I did" I try and catch my breath. She doesn't know what to say, I don't know either.
We look at one another. We talk. Laugh. "Ok, so I'll call you tomorrow?" She giggles again and winks at me. The paper with precious digits slides into my pocket. I walk backwards as she goes back inside, almost tripping over myself. She laughs as her hair falls across her face. She waves. I wave back.
I start to walk back, but this smile on my face keeps getting bigger, and the night is looking a little brighter. I jog a couple blocks. It isn't too bad now, once I find a friend. My keys jingle in my pocket. I pause to punch the number into my phone.
Chin up I head inside. Roommates are asleep, they'll find out later. For now this is mine alone. I cherish it as I drift off to sleep. About damn time man, good job.
A car whizzes past, a blur of red tail lights and the roar of a six cylinder engine begging to be opened wide and scream. I pause and admire the way the car slides in and out of the shadow of the streetlights. It gives this part of town some life. "At least something here doesn't feel dead." I say to nobody in particular.
Two girls stroll past on the other side of the street. They giggle to each other, the tired giggle, where it's so late anything seems worthy of a laugh. I tug at my jacket collar, as if to try and warm myself up. My breath trails behind me in a fog. I let out a smile at the two strangers across the street. One smiles back, the other continues to giggle and waves.
I spot a glimmer of hope in that smile - a trace of something I once knew and now lack. I scratch at an itch which isn't really there and look over my shoulder. They've turned a corner, moved on down the street somewhere I might've gone past but never ventured into.
I take a deep breath, the cold air waking up my body as it fills my lungs. Waiting for the walk signal I look at the ground. Someone has stenciled a heart with a question mark inside on the street. "Where's the love?" I keep walking. Darkness on the edge of town is a stones throw away; I walk along its edge.
A few more blocks, a few more crosswalks. The occasional late night straggler. "What?s up man?" "Hey" I'll never see that guy again. If we do neither one of us will remember. I wonder what he's doing out so late. Same reason as me? Different? Does he have somewhere to be, or is he out looking for something?
The air bites at me again. The yawning tells me to head for "home". I cross the street again; letting a car full of people cruise past before I make my way across. "Hey baby!" No shit. I get catcalls from a car. First time for everything I suppose. Even if they are drunk it?s still amusing, still flattering. I appreciate them not driving on the sidewalk, trying to take me out. I'd leap through that damn windshield and tell them what I think about that with the kind of mood I'm in.
I reach another corner. The giggling duo blindsides me from the other direction. "Hi" "You look familiar" A solemn green light shifts to red, its counter parts shift to green. The light hits her face just right as I finally take a good look. For a moment there I drop the weight, she smiles again. "See ya around" "See ya" The numbing cold starts slashing away at my face again. She skips down the street with her friend...why are they out here too? I pretend to look at my phone; I pretend to check my watch, my coat, my wallet, myself.
I stall just to watch her leave. She's leaving. Run you idiot! Chase her down! I shake the doubts and worries. I give in to passion, to desire. Take a chance while you still can. I hear nothing but the roar of the wind past my ears and my heart pounding in my chest. They round a corner two blocks down. I curse my hesitation and run harder.
I grab the light pole and swing myself around. I'm greeted by an empty street. A light flickers, almost to say nobody is here. Where did she go? I look franticly. Which door? A car maybe? Shit. I did it again.
"Did you run all the way over here?" A newly familiar sound from behind. A door closes. I'm leaning against a light post. The sound of a quiet city is the backdrop to a yellowed sidewalk and blackened night. I turn to see her. I smile like an idiot. "Yeah, I did" I try and catch my breath. She doesn't know what to say, I don't know either.
We look at one another. We talk. Laugh. "Ok, so I'll call you tomorrow?" She giggles again and winks at me. The paper with precious digits slides into my pocket. I walk backwards as she goes back inside, almost tripping over myself. She laughs as her hair falls across her face. She waves. I wave back.
I start to walk back, but this smile on my face keeps getting bigger, and the night is looking a little brighter. I jog a couple blocks. It isn't too bad now, once I find a friend. My keys jingle in my pocket. I pause to punch the number into my phone.
Chin up I head inside. Roommates are asleep, they'll find out later. For now this is mine alone. I cherish it as I drift off to sleep. About damn time man, good job.
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