Rate the Roleplay Above You

[Burter Jr]

Rules

• This game is to get simple ratings on your roleplays. However, this thread will be monitored to make sure it's done correctly
  
• In order to get a rating, you must rate the roleplay above you. Please actually read the roleplay, don't skim!
  
• Leave a link at the end of your post to the roleplay you want rated.
  
• Please don't rate the same roleplay more then once. If someone wants another opinion, that's fine, but they don't need the same one.
  
• Ratings are 1-10
  
• Feedback is encouraged, but not mandatory. A simple number will do, but some form of "I really liked the part where ___" or "oh my god this was fucking horrible!" is appreciated
  
• For organizational purposes, staff will monitor this thread
  

First person to post a link to their roleplay starts us off

[Piper Juunanagou]

Link

[Jonathan Meer]

Wtf. Way to filch my idea.

[Burter Jr]

I brought this idea to Chubbs almost a year before you even showed up.

^Link

[Jonathan Meer]

Hmph. My topic's name was better.

RATING: Oh my God. That was incredible. I've got to admit, some of the dialogue was a little cheesy, and that dragged the score down slightly. You get a Nine. His struggle against himself was quite vibrant. The description you provided was a little much for me, but then, that's mostly opinion on my part. Fantastic job, overall.

http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post170493

(Short, I know.)

[Super Buu]

I'm going to completely disregard the length and judge it on quality.

You managed to keep me engrossed through it all - I enjoyed the quirky narrative style you have. I like how you considered each possibility realistically, like;

The reflections and refractions of surfaces were quite intense, but they caused him no optical discomfort. Why should they? He wasn?t actually looking with his eyes, but rather, with his mind.

Your vocabulary was varied throughout, and I never really noticed any hiccups in the flow of the writing. Only on a second read through I noticed you used Krillin on the second paragraph, immediately following the first line. Once you put 'were' where a 'where' should be;

there were no discernable corners where the surrounding planes met

Whilst I enjoyed the narrative, I didn't get much of Krillin's actual character coming through.

I prefer to rate words with words, but I'll give it, considering all points, a 7.

If someone wants to rate:
http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...13893&sid=

The last post would be the best candidate for rating - it's short compared to the others, and has some actual interaction as opposed to just Bibidi's files...

[Android-18]

Ratings are 1-10

Feedback is encouraged, but not mandatory. A simple number will do, but some form of "I really liked the part where ___" or "oh my god this was fucking horrible!" is appreciated

Krillin didn't put a number, and you guys sure are going deep =P.

EDIT: Nevermind, didn't see it. Try to make your ratings clear, it might be helpful ^^.

[Super Buu]

He put a nine, just hid it in text

[Hellfighter 17]

To SB:

Luckily, I already read yours a couple days ago (I was intrigued at what you would do with SB, as there haven't been too many--good--histories out there).

I'll start with your overall rating: a 7.25, my good sir.

I enjoyed the storyline, it was really enticing; you drew me in from the beginning, having me become curious as to just what Super Buu was. I love that you defined him in your own way, really personifying him unlike the show did where he was just created an dthen set out on planets. That's essentially what this SB was made for, but there seems to be much more to it than that.

You portrayed Bibidi's logs very nicely; the way he went it seemed as though Bibidi was getting caught up in the glory of his experiemnt. I really wish you had described Super Buu's voice a bit more, 'cause I had a hard time imagining what he talked like (I know he talked in the show, but the usage of words and how easily he put sentences together in your RPs says that he doesn't speak that way here). There are some minor grammatical mistakes, and you could have definitely made it better by delving more deeply into how SB felt about all of it, but it was still pretty darn good; nice job.

Me? I mainly chose this one because I had a hard time trying to create how things 'were.'

[Alexander Trafford]

I've been drawn to your RP's for some time now, they have sort of an addicting taste to them. I Love how you paint a picture, using vivid descriptions and good word choice to illustrate your point. I also love how you tie in many charachters, INcluding the brief with Stu, i hope their is more of a point to him in later RP's, because if his only point was him going past Bojack on the way out, you may have gone overboard with his section of the RP. I also enjoy how you incorporate how others would percieve Bojack.

Originally posted by Bojack
Bermann sighed, raspberry smoke drifting from his lips. His ears perked suddenly, as if noticing something different about the air. Then, suddenly, as if from nowhere at all: ?Bermann.?

A voice? Was he going mad? Was the cigar laced with PCP? Had Jesus come? Either way disembodied voices couldn?t be too good, he decided, and ignored it. Still though, there was something familiar in that voice.


?Bermann.? With that the Ader flickered into plain view within the little shop.

I loved this, i Thought it was fantastic. You build up a unimportant charachter briefly and show how an ordinary person would percieve Bojack, and you give him a personality, something the reader can reflect upon and relate to.

If i have one problem about your writing, and only a little in this RP, whenever you refer to Bojack it is always 'Ader' nothing else. Except when Bermann calls him the Blue Devil. But that's just a pet peeve of mine. OVerall Fantastic 8.5/10.

Anything in here is recent, the last one is preferable.

[Jonathan Meer]

Sexy, but there were a few grammatical burps here and there that lowered your score. A simple proofread (even just once through) would have corrected these.

SCORE: 8.

http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post170943

[Burter Jr]

Originally posted by Cell
Question: does this roleplay have to be DBZ-related? Don't flame me for asking this if I'm brutally wrong... hehe

What roleplay on this website would NOT be DBZ related?

[Burter Jr]

You don't roleplay in Big Brother

[Hellfighter 17]

Cell writes stuff other than DBZ, y'know. >.>;

[Jonathan Meer]

I'm not Burter, but as the semi-official ruling, the roleplay in question should be on this site alone.

edit by bj:

agreed

[Burter Jr]

Originally posted by Cell
Alrighty. Is there a rule against making another thread on critiquing just WRITING in general? Like in the Legendary Assylum?

Workshop

[Jonathan Meer]

RATING: 5

Recoome, your stuff isn't actually bad per se, as simple admittance into Chubbs signifies exemplary roleplaying, but you do show a lack of experience. Great thing is, that's simply solved from more writing, and if you really love the craft, that won't be a problem.

You'd be surprised how quickly you can improve among fellow writers. Just check out some of my old stuff, and you'll see that you and me were rather similar when we started out. Good stuff, no?

http://cdbzrpg.dracondev.com/forum/threa...post170943

[Alexander Trafford]

Amazing. Flat out 9.5/10. The description was fantastic, and not overdone, the flow was perfect. the creativity was even more astounding. This personal RP of yours is one of the best i've read in a while, encapturing read. Keep writing like this and i'll keep reading, until my keyboard dies cuz i've jizzed on it too much.

9.5/10

The newest one of mine, not the one that was rated last time. THE NEWEST ONE.

[Piccolo Daimoun]

I'm sorry I can't give you a big thing like you did, I just don't have that kind of...critique ability? But I felt I should give you my comments anyway.

I've always liked how you describe things, or how you give statements from your character.

Originally posted by Bojack
This?ll be a long night if there isn?t fire in the kitchen.

Bojack is just...cool...no other way to say it, and the things that led up to this are just...suggestive, and I laughed when I saw it, as I'm sure many others did...

Originally posted by Bojack
?Fair enough. .? The Ader spoke softly, to himself more than the reptile. But it wasn?t fair, Jack surmised. That this child, even of his tender age have to meet the horrors of society. The Ader saw something of himself in this child through eyes whose corners may?ve shown a glint.

This was interesting too...it's just interesting how you describe things, as I've said before. Its so...dark in a way. It's stuff that you put out like this for me that make me want to read whatever you put out next.

I'm giving it an 8, which I would describe as great. Theres only one thing I will suggest, and this is more of a peeve of mine then anything. When a character like myself or BJ is in a post, I think it looks better if you refer to them by their full name, or one part of it. It's more of a opinion suggestion then anything, but thats my two cents.


Bam!

Edit: Damn it! Okay, I'll do yours Recoome...

[Piccolo Daimoun]

Couple small gramatical and spelling things...

There: General.
Their: Possesion of another person, as in it's their car.
They're: They are.

And heres one more little thing, instead of putting sniff into quotes, try something like this...

"Okay," The boy sniffed slightly before continuing, "...."

These things aside, I liked your post. It was pretty interesting, the ideas themselves were nice, just little things in how you wrote it. I give this a...hmm 6.5, above average from me.

Same post as above. ^_^