Joining

[Old Dave]

Hmm, punctuation needs some work and your writing has trouble flowing. But that is what this place is for, to improve yourself as a writer. I want to let you in but I'm going to wait for another mod to come in and give their opinion.

[Hellfighter 17]

We write in third-perosn and past tense. While you have the third=person down, you are writing in present tense. Instead of "He stares around at the desolate field he has landed in, on a planet he knows nothing about," it owuld be "He stared around at the desolate field he had landed in, on a planet he knew nothing about." Write a new one or correct that one with this in mind and use more correct grammar; using Word can be fairly useful for correcting grammar.

[Old Dave]

Register and I'll activate your account...it needs work but read around and learn from others. Practice makes perfect.

[Old Dave]

Account activated and changed to Paragus. Roster page set up pass is qwerty change it asap.