My lyrics

[Abel]

Average.

and I kicked his ass real quick
I left him in a pit

Ew. Don't ever use the rhyme scheme, that flow, and that bar, ever again. I hate seeing a small line right after another one for the bar, it makes it not flow well at all. I really hope your black. But the start was very nice with the powerful words.

I break niggas into fractions
and I blame you for my actions

And it would have sounded better if you had one more rhyme coming from it. Do something like this:

I break niggas into fractions
and I blame you for my actions
but that's just my reaction/
I remove you like subtraction/
when shit gets hectic
etc etc.

I don't like seeing just one bar rhyme suck as

I break niggas into fractions
and I blame you for my actions

and then going to another bar with different rhymes. That's just me.

You got critiqued by Wildfire Productions, which is me.

Wildfire Productions

And yes, that is me, and I'm fourteen.

[Kaden]

Ok children, play nice.

[Tamsin]

Furiza, you know the rules. Dont just say its bad, give a reason.

Kirano, dont try to initiate an argument. Yes, he started it but you should be intelligent enough not to countinue it.

Im afraid my opinion doesnt count much since I dont like rap, especially not underground one. However, Im bothered by the mixture of diffrent rythms. It just feels like its forced and thus reminds a person of an amateur. No offense, though.

EDIT: Rad beat me to it.

[Kaden]

Furiza did give reasons: poor rhyme scheme and an underdeveloped vocabulary. You just have to look at what he said.

By the way, that's according to Furiza, not me.

[Rem-13]

Well, It's not horrible anyways. Doesn't sound as bad as some of the things my firends subject me to.

[Sammah]

Rap? lol What do you know about Rap?

Kirano what the fuck, that shit was real weak,
it's like you're a car, no luck, you just got a leak
gettin worse by the day, bout to die in a week
don't quit your day job cuz my hatred's at it's peak
thats right bitch, you know Veggie's gotta encase this
cuz I freestyle on a daily basis, so no doubt I can say this
youre pitiful, you shot towards the bullseye but no doubt missed
i'll punch you in the jaw, make you talk with a lisp
cuz don't forget, you're always be numba 2 on Vegeta's hit list!

Bitch!

[Burter Jr]

Reminds of why I hate rap.

Still, the level of intelligence and thought put into one over the other is astounding

[Abel]

Vegeta's was quite well, actually. Excellant flow, delivery, rhymes, punches, I enjoyed it.

[Abel]

I enjoyed the small piece.

[Super Buu]

I really do hate most rap. But I liked Veggie's because he kept it going without having to deteriorate his own English.

Tottepo ... why?

[Abel]

How about if you hate rap, then you stay the hell out of the thread?

Woah, that was deep.

[Dave]

Rap = Retards Attempting Poetry as Furiza once said. But I still like Rap, even if Furiza says mean things follow your dreams.

[Super Buu]

Maybe the staff should make a [Rap] tag, so people can be pre-warned

[Kaden]

Don't know if you were being serious or not, Buu, but that's not a bad idea.

[Sammah]

>.<;

Just cuz I wuv Furiza I won't retaliate at his reply, but damn it took all of my will power in doing so.


<3

[Abel]

William, I think we know your opinion on rap now. How about we also imply a rule that says if you are just going to talk about how much you hate rap then you don't post? >_>

[Sammah]

Well pardon me for bringing up old posts, but damn, I just got back from battling for like the past 4 hours, intense shit, and i hadda let out some of that built up energy here. So bare with me, and for those who don't like rap, ya'll free to leave. And for those of you who are mentioned, no offense, battling usually entails "dissing". <3


Yep, check it, yo
It's like that, fear runs through your body at the sight of my stats
So strong you tell everybody that I got your back, friendship's intact
there's nothing I lack, cuz these words alone could have your body in a sack
i'll be on the attack, you won't know what hit ya when your vision goes black
use my signature move the big bang attack, and that's the end of that
run you over with my RX-7 twin turbo stacked,
while you're standing there swinging a bat, do you really want me to hit you?
cuz to the lady's i'm a turbo mac, you're too easy to spit to
the word pussy really does fit you,
look it up in the dictionary and you'll see a picture of Raditzu
it's true, the mans blue, 18 crying out that she missed you
that's real cute, but nobody wants to see you two knock boots
And that goes for you too Super Buu, cuz no one knows what you and Kirano do
behind doors, its none of my business if both of you are gay man whores
but remember like before, come after me bitch and i'll leave my mercy at the door
last thing you'll be seeing is the concrete floor, u don't even wanna know what I got in store
two words; pain galore, and no more, Vegeta's got it on lock
straight from the Corps, it's like he's back on the block, fuck the glock
bare fists is all he needs to take down Ragnarok, fuck the power, i'll go stock
take down each and every one of them like the ticking of a clock
Tim's right beside me at the very first knock, no doubt he'll aid his prince
his boy the Doc, i'll give them the medicene they deserved since,
the first day they came into existence, it wasn't a shock
its just my 2 cents, but apparently they missed this,
they needa take my class and learn a few things, for instance
they needa learn for stupidity, we got Xero Tolerance.