I need opinions and stuff

[Banned Dana]

Ok, as you know, I'm getting divorsed, but I'm really not sure what to do or what not to do.

Obviously, I'm crushed and feeling as if it's the end of the world and that if the world doesn't end that I'll never want to be with another woman.

I still love Michelle, probably always will.

She's going to be around, since I'm having surgery and all, and she really wants to be my friend, but I'm confused.

Part of me is yelling, saying sure, let her stick around, maybe you'll have another chance, while another part of me is screaming to keep her as far away as possible so I can move on and get closure.

I just don't know what to do...should I hang on and hope, should I move on and look for something possibly better? Should I wait a while? Should I get my ass moving?

Thoughts?

[Saz]

I don't want to tell you how to live you life, but if it were me, I'd want to be as far away from her as possible and try to move on with my life. But that's just me.

[Violet]

I already talked to you on AIM about it...kinda. You know, you could always just take a vacation, come stay with me for a week or two. We can hang out or something. That'd be good if you need a little time away.

[Grandpa Gohan]

I can offer little advice from my own experiance, but my parents are divorced now, and they're better off now than they were when they were married, they care a lot for each other.

As for advice, hmm.. fluid some time, feel it out and go from there.

[Dehan]

I can only give you my experience on things...my mother and father got divorced and they spent like a year apart before speaking. Believe it or not they both became and remained best friends until his death earlier this month. I love him for that, if you have children or what not then remain friends or try to be friends.

But in my own personal experience with 'relationships' I've found it easier to just keep her away from as much as possible then to try to remain friends. I mean if I were you I'd just do what comes naturally or what you think would be better.

Obviously if you're having mixed feelings then you might need some time away from her to get your head and heart straight. Go out, have some fun, go clubbing and do some rps. Do your thing man and you'll get through it. Everyone on chubbs is here for you.

[Reijin]

Man I've had no time lately... I never did hear the outcome of you going to the meeting that day.

[Celipa]

Me either. I'll need to hear how it happened before I can give you my incredibly insightful opinion, Dana.

=P

[Banned Dana]

Well, I get there and wait, about 45 minutes, apparently I was way early.

I see her(michelle), and she smiles at me and hugs me, I kiss her on her cheek. Then we sit and wait for Tara(our marriage counc) and I ask her where she went and stuff and she told me that she didn't want me to know.

Then I asked her if we were getting a divorse and she said, "I think so".

So we then go into the meeting and we're chatting about the last couple of days and finally, I told the Tara that we're divorsing and start breaking down into tears. I try to convince michelle into staying, but she keeps saying, "my body just can't take it" and "the relationship is almost where I want it to be, but I just can't work for it anymore".

Here's an example of "how far we've come".

| - - - - - - - - - | = the perfect relationship and how michelle would have stayed.
| - - - - - - - - | = how close we were to being ideal for her.

I'll admit that our marriage wasn't perfect, but for the last few months there haven't been many fights, I got a MUCH higher paying job, our debt was going way down, and stress was just going out the window, life was getting much better, same with our relationship.

Now, she keeps saying that she wants to be my friend still, but not for a while, like she want's to have some space before we try to be friends, which I understand, but I'm not so sure I can handle that. I think it would crush me to see her with another guy. =(

[Reijin]

I have to agree with you. I can't really understand why if things seemed to be going well like that she'd just randomly decide "Well, times up, close but not quite". So I couldn't really accept that. There has to be more to that, but in the end, if there is, it doesn't really affect the outcome she's given you. Sorry man, I definately give you my hope for the best.

[Banned Dana]

Thanks Reijin.

She keeps telling me that she wishes she could explain it better, but she "just can't". I have a feeling I'll find out soon enough.

[Celipa]

=/

I fear that, if it's what I think it is, you'd be better off not knowing.

Seeing your girl with another guy is like a shot to the gut, and you have to turn away, and it's more than just a low blow...it kills you inside. I feel for you, Dana. But I just don't see any way you could make it work...

The best thing to do is, well, it seems heartless to say...but "replace" her. Like, find a female figure that you can scrounge up affection for, because if you don't, Michelle will be the only thing on your mind. It'll brood, and she'll be the only girl you can think about.

That's the best advice I can give. And I'm really sorry for you.

[Nori]

;( I love you Pan! ;(

~Hugs and Clings in a friendly manner~

[Violet]

Wow... I think I told you my opinion before, not sure, but that sounds kinda like there is someone else. Its the vagueness of her answers that tells me that. Either way it goes, you know I'm here somewhere, whether by phone or random connections, or if you really want, in Ohio. You got my address if you ever need a break from that place. I would give you some cheesy advice like, "There are others out there, maybe she just wasn't the right one", but right now, I don't think that's going to help anything. <3

[Toshiro]

Word dude.

You want a break? Get your bloody arse over here to England, we'll lash it up over here British stylin. Ya follow?

[Retane]

Eh. I'm usually a paranoid SOB and tend to think in towards the worst. For good reasons too I might add. I'm usually always right =D

So my obvious veiw is she's found another male and/or has cheated. But what should you do? You can keep her around as a freind til you're recovered from the surgery... if nothings much changed... then I dunno what to tell you.

If you see her with another guy, you will most likely feel the anger and pain and I'm sure you wont be able to hide it as easily as you'd want and it could come out that you look immature and stuff, so it might not be wise to really remain to close of freinds with her.

If anything... you need to make her sit down and talk to you and be upfront with each other....

[Amadeus]

First of all, I`m sorry it had to end this way. When you told us about the meeting I really hoped for the best. The result really killed my optimism.

I think the best thing to do is to stay away from her for a while so you can collect your thoughts and let the emotional atmosphere die down. Once you won`t be anymore so tence you will be able to handle the situation much easier.

But I must say that her behaviour strikes me as quite odd. Won`t say anything more then that though as I don`t want to revive hopes for nothing.

Anyway, I`m sure you guys can stay friends. But first you have to let things cool down beetween you two and perhaps even find somebody else to love. Only then will you be ready to let her back into your life again.

Of course, the above advice has no good basis so don`t take it for granted.

But in any case, I hope you guys will somehow succedd in keeping good relations, no matter what kind.

[Ruhiel]

I can't tell you what to do or not to do right now, I'm sorry. I wish I had some advice, but it would just be an opinion. I've never been married, so I can't relate in that manner. All I can say right now is to basically just watch her, and wait for her to do something. If she wants to remain friends, fine. If she doesn't, then don't worry about it.

Right now, the only advice I can really give you is to find something to take your mind off of her. Anything. Sports, hobbies, heck, even here could work, although I would not recommend relying on Chubbs too much. Find something to focus all your energy on. If you keep yourself busy and aiming for some goal, you just don't have time to have to torture yourself over hypotheticals.

From my point of view, you did nothing wrong, Dana. There might have been disagreements in the past, but from the person I see you as, and some of the past experiences you've told us about, you did everything you could to make that relationship work. Whatever happened was on her end. And while I always like to hope for the better part of people, just looking at what you said her reactions were like, it's probably best if you just moved on, and found something else to focus on.

Broken hearts take time to heal, far more than any muscle or bone. However, if you simply don't let yourself fixate on it, and look to the future, then things should take a turn for the better.

You know my AIM if you ever feel like talking to me. And if I'm not on, PM me and I'll get on.

[Banned Dana]

I'm so pissed at her right now. She's trash, no...lower than trash. Fuck her and her stupid ass everything. No, I'm not happy that my marriage ended, but fuck her and her bullshit. She acts like nothing is going on, but I know differently.

She can kiss everything good bye, cause this boy is fucking finished with her.

[Banned Dana]

please delete or lock this thread, I don't want morons posting here...thanks.

[Nori]

Ouch. Seriously..

~Huggles~