Burter's Group Thing

[Whompt]

The Necronomicon Ex Mortis; the book of the dead. An ancient Somalian text, bound in human flesh and written in blood, within its pages were hidden ancient necromantic spells, demonic rituals, and the recipe for a sensational lasagna. Professor Knoby, one of a group of archeologists that had uncovered the text after centuries of obscurity, had been deciphering it at his summer cabin. He was never heard from again.

When the group of college students arrived at the cabin to work on a report about the incident, they hadn?t imagined they?d find a recording of Professor Knoby?s deciphering. By replaying his words, they accidently unleashed the forces of darkness captured within the book. Ashley J Williams was the only survivor of that night. Yet even he didn?t escape unscathed. The evil had infected his right hand, and his only choice was to cut it off.

His ordeal behind him, Ash had returned to life as a normal civilian. Sadly, there weren?t many job openings for a man with one hand. In fact, there was only one.

?What do you mean I can?t get my money back?! I have my receipt!?

Customer Service.

?Listen lady, we have a thirty day money back policy. I can give you store credit, but I?m not authorized to fully refund you.?

?That?s bullshit,? the robust woman across from Ash exclaimed, ?I want to talk to your manager.?

Taking in a deep breath, the lone survivor struggled to maintain his temper. Days like this made that cabin seem like heaven.

?Today?s his day off, Ma?am,? he replied as calmly as he could. ?If you?re dead set on returning that bar of soap, you could come back tomorrow. Like I said, I can only give you store credit.?

?Well, you?re useless then aren?t you??

Eyes scanning down to his severed stump, she grinned with malice.

?Fucking cripple. Bet you have a hard time jerking off to your gay porn.?

Snorting in anger, Ms. Piggy looked at her piglets and said, ?Come on, you brats. We?re going home.?

As she walked away, she screamed over her shoulder, ?We?re never coming back here again.?

His one good hand reaching underneath the counter and taking hold of the grip to his boomstick, Ash sighed and let it go, instead calling back. ?Thank you for shopping with S-Mart. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.?

With that last customer out of the way, it was time for his break. Heading to the employee lounge, he left the customer service desk in the care of some pimple faced teenager. Reaching into his pocket, Ashley took out a cigarette and lit up as soon as the door to the lounge closed behind him. Already his day was shit, and he?d just started working.

His break over way too soon for his taste, Ash headed back out to his post. It was uncharacteristically empty at S-Mart today, so he started to read a magazine to pass the time. Right in the middle of an article, the service bell rang.

?Yeah. I?ll be right there. Give me a sec, ok??

It rang again, multiple times in rapid succession.

?Hold you horses. I said I?ll be right with ya!?

Yet the ringing continued. His temper snapping like a shaken newborn?s neck, Ash threw the magazine down and whirled on the person.

?What?!?

What he saw wasn?t what he expected. Instead of the usual impatient, immature, butt-ugly customer there was an impatient, immature, butt-ugly Deadite.

?Mother fu-?

Ash was cut short in his curse as the demonic being backhanded him into the returned goods. Dark laughter erupted from the creature?s throat as it leapt up on the counter.

?Fool! All those who meddle with the Necronomicon will be des- GAH!!? the beast exclaimed as it fell back off the counter.

Grinning, Ash rose from the pile of teddy bears, bath towels and canned goods clutching the grip to his smoking, double-barrelled Remington.

?Welcome to S-Mart, fucktard. I?m Ash and I?ll be serving you a can of whupass during you stay.?

Rolling aside, the one-handed man barely dodged as the Deadite leapt over the counter and crashed into the floor where he?d been standing. Retaliating, Ash gave the thing a face full of boomstick and rushed towards the employee lounge. There, in his locker, was what he needed to finish the fight.

Down but not out, the beast moved quickly to block its prey?s escape route. It was too late, and the dark being?s reward was the sight of Ash?s chainsaw as it removed the creature?s head. Victorious, the employee-warrior lofted the Deadite?s head on high before bringing it crashing down touchdown style.

?Hail to the king, baby!? he exclaimed to the mass of women that had no doubt flocked to their savior. Only there were none. Son of a bitch.

His thoughts roaming back to what the corpse had said, Ash knew that a normal life was something he could never have. Not while these fucking faggot undead hounded his every step. He might not care about his fellow workers, or those dumbass customers, but even he didn?t want to see them dead. Well? not today at least.

So, Ashley J Williams left behind S-Mart, carrying only the clothes on his back, his chainsaw, and his boomstick. As he went out into the city, he almost thought he heard the old Hulk series music playing.

[Toshiro]

Eye twitching on a near violent scale, the young man walked out of thel ibary, his hands glutched tightly in to a pair of fists. Japenese people, why.. .Why did they insist on bashing Mac's?

He was glad that Eve didn't grasp the concept of Windows, thou she did mention repeatedly about weather or not it was an upgrade or a downgrader of X and Tiger. How was he meant to reply to that, with out some how drivign her nuts?

It was impossible to mention that Windows was like their version of Satan when compaired to OS's to her, she'd go back there with her plasma sword, and start smashign the things to peices. He really didn't wanna have to go thou that much hassle.

Sighing blissfully thou, he leaned backwards as he walked, putting his arms up and behidn his head, as if he was laying on the ground or soemthign as he went. Eve just blinked at him in reply, she was content the way she was, with out her holomatric's running, despite his protests, Hawk was to much of a worrier in her opion, but he was cute when he got mad.

Stopping, Hawk's hands moved to his stomach with a grumble. "Need food..." He groaned outwardly as his eyes began searchign the street. A store was near by, and he quickly grabbed Eve's hand before dragging her in to the store quickly.

As soon as he was inside, his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he stared around it. "Never knew Japan had it's own Wal-Mart!" Before Eve could even catch up to what he was saying, she was suddenly being dragged again to the electronics section, where Hawk began eying over TV's as wide as they where pricy, and then on to a few computers, which he only retorted with how crap they where, and then on to the clothing section.

He pressed a few peices to his body, and even turned to Eve as he went, as if asking for her opion, she always shook her head at everything he pressed to him, then he settled for the things she did say yes to. A black t-shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and some white socks. His jacket, which he never seemed to leave off, was always branded to his flesh. On hisway past the check out, he spotted an odd looking fellow leaving jsut a few seconds ahead of them, a chainsaw in hand.

His eyes narrowed on him, and he looked to Eve, as if almost reading his mind, the female robot clenched a fist and rushed outside, Hawk following behind as he threw off old peices of clothes and dragged on new items, despite the foreign insults being flung at him fro mthe store as he went.

[Whompt]

Chainsaw roaring to life, Ash whirled around at the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps. But it was just a couple of kids, probably ditching school to make kissy face. Luckily for them, the chainsaw-wielding man wasn?t the type to cut first and ask questions later. Something about the chick was bothering him, but Ashley couldn?t quite put his finger on it.

?Beat it, punks,? he said with a growl, ?I don?t have time to play chaperone to a couple kids.?

Turning away from the two, Ash muttered under his breath, ?Besides, thing?s won?t be pretty where I?m going.?

?Pretty?? the little prick replied, ?Dude, you?re bloody ugly. And so was the explosion we were in a month back.?

Momentary shock gave way to seething anger as Ash once more shifted to face the two.

?Now listen here you little shitbag. You don?t exactly have a lot of room to talk about looks. Hell, your little she toy here ain?t too bad looking, but-?

That?s when it hit him. The chick wasn?t human. Oh sure, she looked pretty close. But all those glowing electronics made it pretty clear what she was. Shaking his head in disbelief, Ash moved to leave again.

?Listen kid. Take a hike, will ya? Trouble follows me like a crackhead at the bus station, and I doubt you want your little girlfriend hurt when it comes.?

?Eve isn?t my girl,? the kid retorted, ?My girl?s practicing with her band at the local club.?

With a slight nod of his head, he continued, ?Eve, however??

His cybernetic partner, taking her cue, raised her left hand. Clenching it into a fist, a small spark was the only forewarning to the energy blade that sprang forth from her wrist.

Chuckling softly, the boy continued, ?She?s something else.?

Snorting in derision, Ash didn?t even bother to turn around. As such, he missed that little show of power.

?Whatever. If you wanna tag along, that?s fine. It?s your funeral. Just stay out of my way, got it??

OOC: A bit short, but it works.

[Grandpa Gohan]

The cool breeze rushed over Sesshoumaru?s body as he wondered the city streets. So far his day had been rather uneventful. It?d been a long while since he was able to let himself go. The demon had a natural itch to fight, and definitely needed to scratch it, he longed for a good fight in which he could freely let himself go. But at the same time, he wanted a challenge, not a walk in the park where he could easily waltz over someone without a second thought. He had low-level demons, and half-demon scum for that.

Sesshoumaru was a tad out of place, at least for this timeline. For the most part, his attire was white. The upper half was met with a deep azure honeycomb pattern that started at the collar and ran to the end of the shoulder. The sleeve was long, covering the distance to his hand. Being the classic kimono top, the bottom part of the sleeve extended back. A bar ran across it, repeating the same pattern, blue with honeycomb shapes.

Covering his chest was an ?ancient? armor, for the most part it was dead black. The trim, which extended out, was chrome with spikes. The only part of his armor to extend past his chest was the pualdron, which was thin and connected to the back, though it also had spikes that ?decorated? it.

His Sashinuki Hakama pants complemented his top. His boots, jet-black, pointed and ankle high, finish off his outfit. Soft, white fur also covers his right shoulder, instead of armor. In his obi, he carries but one sword. Sesshoumaru was the heir to the Tenseiga. Left to him by his father. He loathed the sword for a long time, for the simple fact that it did nothing for him, and couldn?t cut anything. Though soon enough he went to the smith who forged the sword, Totepo, and had him ?remake? the sword so he could use it as an actual sword.

He continued along his path, soon reaching an S-Mart. He?d never been to one, never mind the fact the had no idea what it was or what they sold. Even if he did, he didn?t have any money. Deciding to be different however, he started over to the super store. As Sesshoumaru drew closer to the store, he was taken aback momentarily. Out front of the store was a rather raggedy looking fellow, and two seemingly normal kids. Though what drew his attention the most, was the man had a chainsaw attacked to his arm, where his right hand would have normally been.

OCC: Ker'blam. >_> Take it from there or w/e.

[Amadeus]

It was another glorious day in Azeroth. The lush trees of Elwynn Forest stood tall and mighty, enjoying the sun which hoovered over them. All was quiet except for the occasional animal sounds. Thanks to the high concentration of Alliance forces, the forest was a relativly safe place to be. Even the cultists lurking in deeper parts of it seemed like a distant danger.

One particular individual especially enjoyed the safety and security of Elwynn Forest. But this was no ordinary person. His armor shone brightly in the sunlight as his mighty feet thrudged their way forward. His trusty mace was attached to his side as his broad shield rested on his back. Making his way forward, he truly gave an appearance of a hero. He was...a dwarf picking his nose.

Leeroy glared around, all the while making sure his nose wasn`t itching anymore. Yawning loudly, he felt bored to his skull. True, he had done many heroic deeds which was only fitting for a paladin. But his teammates mostly retired after they had wrestled the icy-cold halls of Naxxramas and put the mighty lich Kel`Thuzad to his final rest. Allthough he was able to stand his own preety well, his expertise never fully showed without someone to fight with. But most importantly, he wanted another adventure. The quite life of normal citizents just did not appeal to him.

Looking for mild entertainment, Jenkins saw a boar not far away. Allthough the creature was preety big for a wild pig, it harmlessly smelled the grass beneath it. Already smelling the roasted meat, the dwarf took hold of his mace. Grinning widely, he decided to boost up his adrenaline by using his famous attack speach. But since he was alone, he decided to give it a little twist. As he charged forward, holding his weapon high, he exclaimed: "Allright chum, let`s do this. LEROOOOOY JEEEEENKINS!"

Feeling midly suprised, the creature looked towards the source of the sound. But the minor disturbance was nothing compared to the shock it suffered at the sight of a dwarf, carrying large pieces of metal on it, charging right towards it. The boars peanut-sized brain did not think twice before the animal turned around and ran for it, squeeling madly.

"Come `ere, piggy!" shouted the short knight as he countinued his chace. For a person carrying large plate armor, he was preety fast and his speed was sufficient to follow the escaping target. His metallic boots clinged forward as he was aiming with his mace to put the pig out of it`s mysery. He was so concentrated on his target that he failed to notice a unusual blue portal which appeared in front of him...

In a moments notice, the world around Leeroy changed completely. The blooming forest had turned into a jungle of concrete and metal. Unusual transportations roamed around as strange lights flashed all over the place he had suddenly found himself in. And the people. Their clothing, their talking, their attitude...it was something unimaginable for someone from Azeroth.

This cold slap of reality stopped the paladin dead in his tracks. Gazing shockingly and slowly lowering his weapon-wielding hand to his side, his prey squelled on in the distance to the suprise of many people who had not expected a boar in the middle of a city.

Without any knowledge of what was going on, Jenkins suddenly noticed he was being gazed by four people. These unusual individuals kept looking at him, their jaws wanting to drop to the ground. All. except one of them, were preety lightly dressed and their atire certainly wasn`t even close to the fashion which prevailed in the dwarfs world. With absolutely no idea where he was, who were these people and what had just happened, the paladin was able to exclaim only one thing:

"What the-?"

OOC: Hope you don`t mind if I drop in.

[Whompt]

What the hell was going on? As if the kid and his girlfriend weren?t bad enough, then this white-haired cosplay freak showed up and started staring at him. Ash was not pleased, not in the least. But before he could introduce the Japanimation jerk to a good, old-fashioned American ass whooping, a boar charged its way down the street. And as weird as that was, it was nothing compared to the midget in armor standing in the road.

?Hey stupid!? Ash shouted to the elderly primitive, ?Get the hell out of the road before you get your ass run over!?

?Huh?? the dwarf replied in the expected stupid way.

Before Mr. Williams could speak again, the thing he?d been afraid of happened. A car, driven by one of those idiots who felt they didn?t need to pay attention to drive, came barreling down the roadway. Directly for the short warrior.

?Watch out!? the bedraggled man called out as he began to rush to the aid of the old-timer.

Turned out, he wasn?t needed, as the knight turned with a speed unbefitting his mass and called out a challenge to the apparent attacked.


?Leeeeeeeeeerooooooooy!!!?

Smashing his mace onto the hood of the car, he caused the vehicle to somersault over him and finished his trademark battlecry as it began to fly.

?Jeeeeeeeenkiiiiiiiins!!!?

Ash would have been lying to himself if he said he wasn?t impressed by the strength of the short guy. There wasn?t much time to stand in awe, for now the vehicle was falling directly towards cosplay guy. The white-haired man coolly watched the wreckage move his way, his hand moving to the hilt of his blade.

An explosion rocked the foundations of the buildings around, and sent spectators sprawling for cover. Faster than Ash could follow, the weirdo had drawn his blade, cut the vehicle in cut, and had landed beside the dwarf before the thing could even explode. Watching the newcomers with more than a bit of worry, the shotgun-wielding man shook his head. It was a very bad day. And it would only get worse from here.


(OOC: There. Happy now?)