06-02-2006, 02:19 AM
First of all, you are the Narrator.
You are an excellent writer. Your word choice (such as "roiled," which I don't see too often) enhances the story wonderfully. Granted, your dialect is a little more sophisticated than most, but it's not overkill. Cell himself is very well-spoken, which is a refinement that not too many characters possess. It's a nice change of pace.
For some reason, I find it funny that he is constantly referred to as 'Mr. Cell' all the time. Formality of that nature is rarely every found.
Your plot just screams of pre-meditation. The way you describe the political struggle on a planet full of bugs gives it amazing depth. I haven't seen a single thing that is out of place. Everything appears to have a purpose to the grand design, whereas some writers throw stuff in that is fluff.
The portrayal of Cell is very well done. What is somewhat carried over from his show character is that of his obsession with perfection, which is actually one of his fatal flaws of being consumed by pride. His greatest power is also his greatest Achilles' heal.
All in all, I am looking forward to seeing how things turn out.
You are an excellent writer. Your word choice (such as "roiled," which I don't see too often) enhances the story wonderfully. Granted, your dialect is a little more sophisticated than most, but it's not overkill. Cell himself is very well-spoken, which is a refinement that not too many characters possess. It's a nice change of pace.
For some reason, I find it funny that he is constantly referred to as 'Mr. Cell' all the time. Formality of that nature is rarely every found.
Your plot just screams of pre-meditation. The way you describe the political struggle on a planet full of bugs gives it amazing depth. I haven't seen a single thing that is out of place. Everything appears to have a purpose to the grand design, whereas some writers throw stuff in that is fluff.
The portrayal of Cell is very well done. What is somewhat carried over from his show character is that of his obsession with perfection, which is actually one of his fatal flaws of being consumed by pride. His greatest power is also his greatest Achilles' heal.
All in all, I am looking forward to seeing how things turn out.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_