The Grim Reaper quest

[Old Captain Silver]

Can we get some C&C from this point to the end? All of us?

The Grim Reaper

The first four posts are Nappa's, then me and Kilah jump in.

[Ander]

NAPPA:

I'm going to tell you right now to change your character's past. You don't have to change it a lot, just remove the part about Frieza. You can be a saiyan in the army who tried to conquer planets and was a ruthless bastard, but DO NOT mention Frieza. At all. In any way. Leave him out of it. The story of the show is not the same here. Frieza may not belong to Brit anymore, but his history is still completely different than being a tyrant who controlled an empire and used saiyans to do his dirty work.

Your grammar errors still stand from when I last commented on your roleplays. You can choose to fix them or not, but you've been told about them before. Your dialogue has improved, which is a plus.

You are also very true to character, and I like your reactions to the things that are going on around Nappa.


SILVER:

It gets old after a while with a bunch of cocky guys together, but you managed to make yourself different enough from the rest.

Originally written by Captain Silver
"Misted Porcupine!"

XD

Although, I have found something I liked about your character I may have overlooked before: his use of MP3 player. I listen to music doing just about anything, so I can now (on some small level) relate to Silver, just moving in the rhythm of the song. You should incorporate an actual song whenever he uses it, even if it's the same one over and over again, like a "battle theme" or something.

Good creative control, allowing everyone to face their own sort of demon.


KILAH:

Not once do you mention the name 'Kilah' in your roleplays. Not once. Nappa and Silver did. But you didn't. I even checked a bunch of your other roleplays, and you don't call him Kilah in those, either. I have a problem with that, because I remember reading somewhere that you could call him 'Maxim' so long as it wasn't the dominant name, and it is here. You've essentially made him a custom character. I may be overreacting, and I don't have the authority outside this forum to tell you to do otherwise, but I have a problem with that.

It might be that I need to read more of your roleplays, but I don't get your little spell thing Kilah does whenever he uses an attack. Kudos for deviating from the masses, but I think it's a little out of place.

Nice foreshadowing, giving your character something to do. Granted, it's vengeance, but at least you're constantly building on the path you have Kilah take in advance.

He's kind of a middle ground guy: fighting alongside Nappa and Silver, but not really calling them friends. You indicate that in the future Kilah may have a change of mind, and yet, in his moment of relaxation, he's completely at ease. More development is necessary, but that will come in time, I'm sure.

[Old Captain Silver]

Thanks for the C&C Bardock! As to the music thing, its how I write, lol. I pick a song that would be good for the different "moods" and RP like that, so I said, "why not have Silver fight like that" lol. Thank you once again

[Aiden]

Bardock, thanks for the C&C.. I'll keep trying, lol