Final

[Kazuya]

Final


The last dying breath as I took your hand in mine
Escaping from my chest in a sigh of regret and angst
Nothing has made me feel as empty as I do now.

With Death?s fingers caressing my cooling skin,
Your face is there, next to mine, whispering words that escape me.
I feel your presence, the warmth, the very energy of your body.

The final strain of life bears down on me as my soul reaches out to you
Beaconing for you to come with me.
Lost into the darkness, nothing feels as hopeless as this feeling I harbor now.

[Toshiro]

<3

Awesome.

[Jonathan Meer]

There wasn't really any imagery in this, save the cliche'd personification of Death. There's nothing really being shown here, it's all being told. And really, throwing a lot of adjectives together in statements that tell us what you're feeling instead of showing it, and throwing in semi-regular line breaks doesn't really constitute a poem.

[Kazuya]

I wasnt going for anything in particular. Just an emo pocket i had to get out.

[Jonathan Meer]

Ok. Just realize that if you post a poem in the Workshop, people will critique it. Doesn't matter if it was just an emo poem or something.

[Kazuya]

Yeah, i realize it ^_^ I'll probably rework it some more when my mind is sane again...