Looking for Criticism

[Broli]

To just be blunt, I feel like I've really lost my touch as a writer. I used to feel this immense satisfaction when finishing a roleplay, but in this past year, I've just felt dissatisfied with each and every roleplay. I can't help but feel like I'm so far from what my writing used to be, and I feel like I'm not meeting up to my potential.

If you guys could look at this latest post, I'd appreciate it. I want to be able to fulfill the potential that I feel I'm capable of, so be as honest as possible.

I chose this RP because it's my most recent roleplay and I put some effort into it, so it's a good reflection of my writing ability. Again, please be honest and don't be afraid to say what you think. I can take it.

Here

[Super Buu]

Whilst I'm a little too strapped for time to go into full blow-by-blow C&C, I will say this about your work; I read a massive chunk of the fight to regain Vegeta-sei, and I've also read a good chunk of your DA:C writing. IMO, you've gotten better massively. Becoming dissatisfied with your work is pretty normal - all it means is that you're becoming more aware of problems in your writing. Basically you're reading your own stuff from a more informed point of view, and that's a good thing, as I've already seen, because it's improving your stuff in leaps and bounds.

For me, the time it takes to write posts is getting longer and longer. But I've realised that it's not because I'm losing my touch, it's because I'm putting more time into my stuff, and making it better as a result. I look back on posts I made in the Red Stallions and flinch at how well I could take them to pieces now. And I still think I'm in-training, as far as making it to novelist standard goes.

Look back at your old posts, and then read what you just posted, and you'll probably see what I mean. Especially towards the end of DA:C, what you've written is amazing, top-quality stuff.

Now, since I always like to balance out praise-lavishing with ball-breaking and vice versa, there are a few grammatical blips in your stuff. Well, mainly just the one repeated one, which can easily be fixed.

?I don?t want to be nothing anymore!? The Saiya-Jin cried out in tears, diving forward.

Fixed:
?I don?t want to be nothing anymore!? the Saiya-Jin cried out in tears, diving forward.

When you follow a line of dialogue with 'he said', or whatever, you don't start the next line with a capital letter. Also, say the last line of speech ended with a full stop, ie:

"I will punch you." Said Burter, raising his fist.

You turn the full stop into a comma:

Fixxored:
"I will punch you," said Burter, raising his fist.

You probably already know all this, because I think I've seen it done correctly in past work, you may have just forgotten it or whatever. Just thought I'd mention it. Whilst I know pristine grammar isn't essential, it never hurts, at least in the eyes of a grammar nazi. >_>

Anyway, keep on chuggin'.