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How's This?
#1
I made a post as a custom I'm considering. Here it is.

---

Distraught with fear, Graep moved about the complex, slipping from shadow to shadow, hiding spot to hiding spot, and vantage point to vantage point. The guards shuffled past him, their feet stomping the hard concrete as the formation continued their march. No one even cared to notice the Saiyan crouching in the corner, under the cover of shadow.

Escape!, thought Graep, It?s my only option. Fighting won?t do me any good against those ki powered rifles. The strapping young Saiyan darted from concealment when the sentinels? footsteps were out of earshot, and quickly grasped onto and climbed up a shackle hanging from the crest of the citadel barricade. His ascent was quick, and his escape was set in his mind.

The strategist looked about, watching the paths of the spotlights and the patrols of the sentries. The cogs in his mind were working as he observed, and then he made a leap. Pushing his feat off the top of the wall, he glided gracefully over to the exterior wall, and then leaped down out of the limits of the fortification just as a spotlight was about to pass over the spot he landed on.

Cheering inside, the Saiyan sneered, running out across the concrete surface of the parking lot. Leaping, then, into a jeep, Graep quickly punched the ignition in, somehow starting the car. The jeep sped forth, rearing back like a horse might do. Soon, however, Graep was able to straighten it out?but not before he heard the booming sound of a megaphone behind him.

?Stop where you are! You are under arrest for attempted prison break!? called the man?s voice from the helicopter that pursued him. The pursuit was just beginning, so the Saiyan wasn?t about to give up now. Pushing his foot down hard on the gas pedal, he heard the roar of the engine as the jeep swiftly increased its velocity. The roaring noise was like a battle cry to the Saiyan, who embraced it warmly.

?Come and get me if you can!? he called smugly. The grin on his face grew wider as he leaned closer to the steering wheel. Abruptly, the roaring of the engine could not be heard anymore for the high-pitched squeal of an approaching missile. Attempting to swerve the car out of the way, the Saiyan did an 180o turn and was face head on with the tip of the helicopter?s torpedo.

A large blast of flame opened up the road as the jeep was flung off of the nearby precipice. Tumbling down the hill, Graep?s many attempts to flee certain death proved unsuccessful and vain, and the car eventually toppled into the canopy of the forest below, hanging itself on the outreaching branches of a large oak tree. Graep was very thankful?he was alive.

?Perhaps you didn?t hear me before,? boomed the man?s voice yet again as a rope ladder dropped through the branches and hung at a level where the man with the megaphone and Graep could see eye-to-eye. ?You?re under arrest for attempted prison break, Graep,? the voice rumbled. Graep?s smirk flipped into a grimace as the man gestured for him to hurry over to the ladder.

Standing, Graep said, ?Love to.? As he leaped over, Graep grasped a hold of the man?s hand, in a ploy to allow him to pull him up. The man did so, and Graep smirked as the man yelled up to the people in the copter that he had captured the Saiyan. In a move of trickery, the raven-haired man kicked his arrester off of the raising ladder to the forest floor below.

?What the?? yelled the man as he plummeted to down towards the Earth?s surface. Laughing, Graep watched as the man splat into the ground, sending himself to his demise in the process. The ladder rose upwards through the canopy, and Graep turned his attention upwards to the two people in the aircraft. As the ladder got shorter, Graep climbed it, and then ascended into the aircraft.

?Where?s Jack?? the man who had raised the ladder asked fearfully. Graep maliciously approached him, grasping him by the collar and holding him outside of the helicopter. The man in the cockpit threatened to crash the helicopter, but Graep would not be intimidated by thoughts of death or by the screams of the man who was dangling.

?The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout,? Graep sang, ?Down came the rain and washed the spider out.? And with that, Graep dropped him to the same fate as his comrade. The Saiyan next walked into the cockpit and sat in the seat next to the pilot. ?You see, my friend, in this metaphor, you people are the spider and I am the rain. It?s quite thrilling, is it not??

?Don?t hurt me,? pleaded the pilot. The Saiyan laughed. He had no desire to show mercy to any of these pathetic humans who had imprisoned him. Standing, Graep grasped the pilot by the collar and sat him down in the other area of the craft. Taking the rope ladder, he tied him to a pole which people used to keep their balance while flying.

?You?re about to crash into that mountain over there, okay?? Graep told the pilot. ?Oh and when you do?Out comes the sun and out goes the rain and the itsy bitsy spider never crawls up the spout again.? Snickering, Graep backed up and back flipped out of the plane, grasping hold of a tree trunk just in time to get a good view of the explosion. His monkey tail flicked around in happiness.

He did good work.
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#2
lol.. The name is a pun for Grape isnt it?
[Image: Zhu.jpg]
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#3
Quote:Originally posted by Android 15
lol.. The name is a pun for Grape isnt it?
No.

/sarcasm
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#4
LoL...

Not a very good name...

It's missing all the elements for an actual DBZ name..

First of all...

Theres no, GRA and EP sound in japanese.

A decent name after grape would be.... Gurapa or something like that
[Image: Zhu.jpg]
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#5
Quote:Originally posted by Android 15
LoL...

Not a very good name...

It's missing all the elements for an actual DBZ name..

First of all...

Theres no, GRA and EP sound in japanese.

A decent name after grape would be.... Gurapa or something like that
Hmm...I kind of like that. *Goes to change it*

But anyhow, what about the post.
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#6
It's nice..

Like your usual work. Although theres like a 720 degree change on personality. But its like your usual work.
[Image: Zhu.jpg]
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#7
I think that it had a nice arrangement of words, varying from easy to more complex (though not very . . . which is a good thing). BUT! I just couldn't picture it in my mind. Maybe it was just me. I dunno. I just couldn't visualize what I was reading.
[Image: 1stAerosig.png]
Placed 3rd in Dante's Abyss 08
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#8
@Gokua: Being in Dante's Abyss and having to shorten my posts made me lose my touch on description, so I'm trying to get that back.

@A15: What's the change in personality? I explored two aspects of it.
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#9
On an unrelated note, Zangya, our avatars pwn.
[Image: 1stAerosig.png]
Placed 3rd in Dante's Abyss 08
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#10
Quote:Originally posted by Gokua
On an unrelated note, Zangya, our avatars pwn.
Yes.

Anyhow. I shall be posting another post for C&C soon.
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#11
A smaller one. I may combine it with the third one when I actually go to post them after the turnover.

~~

Gurapa descended down the large oak tree, and soon, his feet were planted firmly on the Earth?s surface. He looked round at his predicament, profoundly observing his surroundings. Was he cursed to be stuck here with neither food nor water? Was he doomed to live here for his final hours? Gurapa would not let it be so?even if that was what was planned for him.

The Saiyan treaded forward into the depths of the wooded area, meticulously keeping watch all around him?wouldn?t want any surprises, now would he? Gurapa?s eyes darted from one shadow to the next, as his body did, and soon, he found himself face to face with the eyes of a large cavern. Darkness was not really his favorite thing, but to save his hide, his personal preferences could be set aside.

---
[FLASHBACK]

Slice.

The sound of flesh peeling under the ruthlessness of his blade pleased him as his graceful strokes caused yet another warrior to collapse. The forcefulness of the steel stabbed through one after the other, sending them all helplessly to their own creators. A sinister smirk crossed Gurapa?s face as the warriors fell dead all around him. ?Maggots,? he muttered, striking down yet another.

?Stop!? called a voice from above. The Saiyan turned to face the Duke of Luna, one of the larger cities on planet Vegeta. Gurapa stood in the center of the coliseum, his sword lowered to his side. ?Sir Gurapa,? the Duke began, ?How powerful is thee!? With this, a booming cheer erupted from the crowd. Smiling in a sense of someone swollen with pride, Gurapa nodded.

?Thank you, Duke!? called Gurapa to his benevolent ruler, ?I am forever in service to you. It is my duty to provide you and all of the citizens of Luna!? Another cheer erupted, filled with chants, claps, and the occasional obsessed fan screaming bloody murder. The Duke?s face was laden with a modest smile, something which implied that Gurapa?s fight was not quite over.

?But,? he said, signaling that the Saiyan?s assumption was correct and sending a hush over the crowd, ?I am afraid that there is but one last challenge that you must face before you can be declared a true Elite.? The powerful Duke then teleported down to the ground in front of Gurapa and unsheathed his own sword. ?You must face me, Gurapa.?

Gurapa?s eyes bulged. He could not fight his own ruler?it seemed unjust, and absolutely so. But he was so close to becoming Elite in the eyes of the Duke, the King, and the people. So he could not give up his fight now. ?Are you sure?? he asked the Duke. The Duke nodded, and entered a dueling stance. Following suit, Gurapa gulped, and then lunged at him.

[/FLASHBACK]
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#12
Saiyans. Ugh.
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#13
I know. I'm just trying out different characters. I also have an android, a Namek, a Konat, a Human, and a Reptile in the works.
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#14
Reptiles rule.
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#15
If you replace the word Saiyan with Namek, then you win.
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#16
I'd also have to change the name to something named after an instrument. Something like...

Tuba? Harp?
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#17
Banjo =)
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#18
I've decided on a name if I make a namek.

Basu, a Japanese word for Bass.
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#19
Quote:Originally posted by Raspberry
Reptiles rule.

lol
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#20
Basu. Now that's the name of a winner! I approve.

Not that you asked for my approval, but I give it to you of my good will.
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