C&C on my "One Act Play"

[Jinpo]

C&C would be greatly appreciated.

Right now titled "My Stupid Mouth" but I want to change it.

The stage is made to look like a kitchen in a middle-class home. There is a table in the center with fruit in the center and other food around it. There are also four chairs around it, two on the sides and two facing the audience. There is a table with a sink behind the chairs facing the audience. Three of the chairs are occupied. Kenneth Anderson is sitting in one of the seats. He is in his late fifties and wears thick glasses. He has also been diagnosed with a mild case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). The second chair is taken up by Maria Anderson. She is married to Kenneth. Maria is in her late forties and very mercurial. The family depends on her for many things. Lastly is Eva Anderson, the daughter of Kenneth and Maria. She is in her early teens and shows it. The family has just sat down to eat the dinner that Maria has prepared.

KENNETH: What is this heavenly smell, Dear?

MARIA (smiling): Steak.

KENNETH: Is it well done?

MARIA (sighing): Of course.

Kenneth picks up the plate, removes his glasses, and squints at the steak on the plate before setting the plate back down and nodding with approval. From offstage, tires screech against the asphalt. The three look up from their plates.

EVA: The prodigal son has returned.

KENNETH: Oh Lord . . .

From offstage, you hear a car beep three times.

KENNETH: He did that on purpose.

A door opens and slams shut.

KENNETH: When he has to pay for the door, he is not going to like it.

MARIA: He?s not going to be here that much longer, sweetie. He?s going to have to learn life?s lessons in the real world.

Enter Quincy Anderson, the son of Kenneth and Maria. He is 17 or 18 and a senior in high school. He is very sarcastic and sometimes cynical. However, his disposition is usually cheery and brimming with energy. He also feels the need to be funny all the time. It is also clear what he likes and what he doesn?t. Lastly, he doesn?t realize that his little sister really idolizes and looks up to him.

QUINCY: Yo. Qu? pasa?

KENNETH: You?re late.

QUINCY: Sorry, father. I was . . . (stammers but recovers very quickly) working on a project with some friends at school.

KENNETH: You know how important the Thursday night dinner is to this fam . . .

QUINCY (cutting him off): Oh, so now dinner is more important than schoolwork. I see how it is.

Kenneth shoots Quincy a disproving look before he continues to eat.

EVA: So, how was your day, Quinny?

QUINCY: How many times have I told you not to call me that, Eva. My name is Quincy and that?s what I want to be called.

EVA (whining): That?s not fair. You call me Eveie all the time.

QUINCY: I don?t care. It annoys me.

EVA: Whatever.

Silence. Quincy takes his spot at the table and begins to woof down his food.

KENNETH: Why don?t you take a breath.

Quincy only glances up before he continues to eat.

QUINCY: I love food. Especially yours, mother! Glances over at Eva. It?s definitely not bland.

EVA: Oh my god! Will you ever let it go. (Quincy laughs.) I was 7 years old and I wanted to sound sophisticated, so I used a word that I didn?t know the meaning of to describe Momma?s cooking. So what? (He laughs harder.) Let it die, already. God!

QUINCY: But it never gets old.

KENNETH: Why do you do that to your sister?

QUINCY: It?s fun.

MARIA: But it?s not funny.

QUINCY: I think it?s funny.

MARIA: It?s not right either.

QUINCY: It?s just a joke, mother.

Maria sighs and continues eating. Kenneth is now examining the ketchup bottle cap for residue.

KENNETH: Boy, clean this.

QUINCY (like he is trying to teach Kenneth a lesson): Please?

He slowly gets up and walks over to Kenneth.

KENNETH (handing him the bottle): Use warm water.

Quincy imitates Kenneth by holding the bottle close to his eyes and squinting. Eva, when she sees what Quincy is doing, begins to laugh.

QUINCY: Where?

KENNETH: In the cap.

QUINCY: I don?t see any ketchup in the cap. Are you sure it?s there?

KENNETH: Would you just clean it please?

QUINCY: Maybe if I look closer . . .

KENNETH: QUINCY!

QUINCY: All right, all right. I?m just messing around. (Pause) Nobody has a sense of humor around here.

Quincy leaps over to the sink and hurriedly washes the ketchup top. He then uses the ketchup and puts the bottle down in front of him. He can barely keep the grin off of his face as he does it. Kenneth, uneasily, continues to eat for ten or so seconds.

KENNETH: Pass the ketchup.

QUINCY (snickering): Sure.

He slides the ketchup bottle across the table. Kenneth doesn?t try to catch it and it falls off of the table. Pause.

KENNETH (Tired of his antics): Pick it up.

QUINCY: Why didn?t you . . . (sighs) . . . whatever.

Quincy gets up, humming a modern song, and places the ketchup bottle directly in front of Kenneth. Ken opens the lid and frowns.

KENNETH: Wash it out.

Quincy gets up, humming the same song, and cleans it out again.

EVA (chuckling): You knew that would happen, Quincy.

Quincy turns around and shoots her a look which causes Eva to laugh louder. He can?t help but smile.

EVA: How was work, momma?

Quincy finishes washing the ketchup, turns off the sink, and places the ketchup back on the table.

MARIA: Long. I swear, every five minutes, some Hispanic person would call and say, (adopting heavy Spanish accent) ?You speak Espanish?? It is not my job to field every call made by someone who is from Latin America. I mean, honestly. I work hard enough as it is. I have this fundraiser which I have to plan for, I have to send out invitations, reserve the hall, get the decorations and food and whatever else needs to be done. It makes it even harder with these . . . no-English-speaking people calling all the time. I felt like saying (adopting an obnoxious ?California girl accent), ?No, I like don?t speak Spanish. Stop like calling here.?

Everyone laughs. Quincy, then proceeds to pull his phone out of his pocket and call someone. A few moments later, Maria?s phone rings and she answers it after a few rings.

MARIA: Hello?

QUINCY: (adopting the same Spanish accent): Hola. You speak Espanish?

Eva laughs. Maria shoots Quincy the ?Evil Eye?. Quincy begins to laugh hysterically. Maria refuses to smile but it is hard for her to keep her serious face. Kenneth straightens his napkin.

QUINCY: Wow, not even a little smile. You know, laughter is good for the soul.

MARIA : You?re not funny.

QUINCY: Ow. Just stomp all over my ego.

MARIA: You make it so easy.

The table gets enjoyment out of Maria making fun of Quincy. Even Quincy finds some humor in it.

QUINCY: That hurts, mother.

MARIA: It?s just a joke, son.

Silence while some eating takes place. Out of nowhere, Quincy?s phone rings. The ringtone is John Mayer?s ?Split Screen Sadness? Quincy lets it ring so he hears the whole chorus before picking it up.

QUINCY: Yo. (Pause) What?s up, cutie? (Kenneth glares at Quincy.) Um, listen, I gotta go. I?m eating dinner with the fam. Ok? (Pause) Talk to you later. (Pause) Love you. (Pause) No, I love you more. (Kenneth and Maria glare at Quincy.) Ok, I really have to go now. (Pause) Bye.

Pause.

EVA: Who was that?

QUINCY: You are soooooooo nosy.

EVA (lightheartedly): Shut up.

Pause.

KENNETH: What was that music you put on your phone?

QUINCY: John Mayer. He?s awesome.

KENNETH (to Maria): Ok. (Pause) Why don?t young people nowadays listen to good music, like The Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Jimi Hendrix . . .

QUINCY (Telling a story in an ?old man voice?): Ohhhh, I remember back in 1969, I was at Woodstock when Jimi Hendrix was performing. I was sporting my dashiki, afro, and Hendrix-style headband. (Maria and Eva laugh and Kenneth chuckles slightly) I made my way to the front row and sung along with Jimi as he played all of his hits. Now, I don?t know why he did this, maybe it was my unbelievable aura, but he saw me in the front row and called me up on stage and asked me to shred with him. Of course, I couldn?t refuse. Aww man, I was jammin? too. All the ladies in the audience were chanting ?Go Cool K, you?re a hottay.? (Maria and Eva laugh even harder.) Then some bozo decided that he could do what I do (baby, no one can do what I do), so he jumped on stage with me and Hendrix. Awww man, I was hotter than a pot of rice. (Kenneth laughs heartily for a moment but quickly tries to hide this.) So, I kicked that dude off the stage while playing Purple Haze and rockin? with Jimi. I was hot stuff back then.

Laughter continues for a few moments and then dies down.

KENNETH: That wasn?t funny.

QUINCY: That?s why Eveie nearly fell out of her chair and mother has tears running down her face and is holding her side.

KENNETH: I don?t know why they are laughing so hard. Honey, it really wasn?t that funny.

MARIA (imitating Quincy?s imitation): Aww man, you were hotter than a pot of rice.

Everyone but Kenneth busts out laughing again.

MARIA: He got me with that one.

QUINCY: Finally . . . I got my funny back.

The family begins to eat again, a few final chortles escape from Eva and Maria?s mouth. Kenneth repositions his glass so it is straight. After a few moments, Eva begins humming ?Split Screen Sadness?. She gets into it and soon begins to sing it.

QUINCY: Ouch.

EVA (abruptly stopping): What?

QUINCY: You?re hurting me.

EVA (playfully): You are such a jerk, Quincy.

QUINCY: What?

KENNETH: You shouldn?t say that to your sister.

QUINCY: What did I do now?

KENNETH: She shouldn?t be singing at the table anyway, but you don?t have to be mean.

QUINCY: She knows I?m just messing with her.

KENNETH: You can?t play like that. In the real world, you?ll say something like that to the wrong person or you?ll give someone a dirty look and you will end up beat up . . . or worse. Your ?jokes? roll off of your sister?s and my back, but not everyone is like us. Everything is not a joke. Everything is not funny. You?ll find out soon enough.

Quincy rolls his eyes.

QUINCY: I?m not that stupid. If I see a big mean looking guy who looks like he could be in the mafia or the WWE , I?m not going to go up to him and say, ?Hey ugly, have you considered plastic surgery??

KENNETH: You?ll see. One day you?ll be in the wrong neighborhood and you won?t think before you speak and something bad will happen. Why do you think we want you to go to Penn?

QUINCY: Because you want to be able to call me to tell me to come home and clean the ketchup cap out.

KENNETH (sighing): No, son.

QUINCY: That?s what it seems like.

MARIA: We want what is best for you, Quincy.

QUINCY: Then why do you want to force me to go somewhere that I don?t want to go. Wash U is clearly better in the fields of technology and music, the fields that I love, yet you didn?t even let me apply there. Why? (Getting more angry) Why would you do that?

KENNETH: We only want what is best for you.

QUINCY: Obviously not. You want me to get the best education I can, but I can go to the place with the better programs. College is supposed to be the best time of a young man?s life, yet I can?t enjoy it where I want to. Where I go to college shouldn?t be your decision. You can?t take care of me forever.

The doorbell rings.

MARIA: You think we are doing this to hamper your education?

QUINCY (bluntly): Yes.

MARIA (offended): How could you think that? We?ve given everything we could for you. We spent all of our money to send you to the best private school in the city and you really think that I don?t care about your education?

The doorbell rings again.

QUINCY (changing the subject): I got it.

MARIA (to herself): That hurts me.

QUINCY (singing John Mayer?s ?My Stupid Mouth? as he walks to the door): Why is it my fault? So, maybe I try too hard, but its all because of this desire. I just wanna be liked, I just wanna be funny. Looks like the jokes on me. So, call me captain backfire.

Exit Quincy.

QUINCY (Continues singing from offstage): Im never speaking up again it only hurts me. Id rather be a mystery than she desert me. Oh, I?m never speaking up again. Starting now.

The doorbell rings again.

KENNETH: Make sure you see who it is before you open the door.

QUINCY (from offstage): Ok, whatever . . .

Pause.

KENNETH: He will never learn.

MARIA: He?ll have to.

From offstage, you here the door unlock and open.

QUINCY (from offstage): Hey. What the?!? What the hell?!? Mom, Dad, call the cop . . .

UNKNOWN VOICE (cutting him off): Shut up and back up into the kitchen. Don?t try any funny stuff.

Silence.

Re-enter Quincy, walking backwards until he is standing between Kenneth and Maria. Eva is hiding behind the table. Quincy is followed in by a mysterious looking man pointing a 9mm directly at him.

MARIA: I called the police, so you better leave before they catch you.

CRIMINAL: You better shut the fuck up and give me all of your money and jewelry. Empty your pockets, now.

KENNETH: Maria, just give him what he wants.

Kenneth and Maria reach into their pockets and quickly pull out their wallets. They slide them wallets across the floor to the robber.

CRIMINAL: The necklace too. Hurry up.

MARIA: Not my necklace. My son gave this to me when he was little. It?s my treasure

CRIMINAL: I don?t give a shit. Take it the fuck off.

MARIA: I?m trying.

Maria struggles to get the necklace off. The criminal rapidly walks over to her, the gun still pointed at Quincy.

CRIMINAL: If you don?t take it off, I?ll shoot your boy in the head.

The robber reaches to yank the necklace off of Maria?s neck. Kenneth lunges for the gun and begins to wrestle the criminal for it. Maria scrambles backwards. Two bullets are fired upwards as the two struggle for the gun. The criminal wins the tussle and knocks Kenneth back into the table and Kenneth falls to the ground

CRIMINAL: You shouldn?t have done that.

Points the gun at Kenneth.

QUINCY: No!

Quincy dives in front of Kenneth as the gun goes off. Sirens can now be heard as they approach the house.

KENNETH: QUINCY!

CRIMINAL: Shit!

The robber turns and sprints towards the door. Kenneth turns Quincy over.

QUINCY (softly): I have abs of steel. (Pause.) That didn?t hurt at all.

KENNETH: This is not a time for jokes. Maria, call an ambulance!!!

Kenneth applies pressure to the wound in the abdomen to stop the bleeding.

QUINCY: Dad.

KENNETH: Yes, son?

QUINCY: I love you.

KENNETH: I know.

Kenneth begins to sing John Mayer?s ?My Stupid Mouth? as the sirens can be heard from outside the home.

Curtain.