[C&C] Alexander Trafford

[Alexander Trafford]

Like everyone else whose posted in this forum, i'm not looking for feedback on a particular story or a particular thread, but rather i'm looking for C&C on my writing in general, be it mechanical, stylistic, or whatever, and on my character. Pretty much the same thing everyone else in this sub-forum is asking for.

Dreams and Doorways

This is the longest personal storyline i've ever written. After rereading it i realized that the progression of the story itself is a bit confusing and i didn't do a good job of fleshing it out, but it has alot of character development throughout it.

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25044

Juno's Storyline

Not alot here, but the beginning few posts (the ones in the introduction thread, in the school) are good examples of Trafford's character. I'm particularly proud of the first post in the saga that i made (first numbered post given, first link).

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthr...t=25885&page=1
Posts 26, 29, 39

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25966
Post 18

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26005
Posts 3, 5

Alexander Trafford v. Jonathan Meer

This is my latest bit of writing that i've taken seriously, the freshest and newest example of my character in conflict.

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26298

[Orion]

Just wanted to let you know that I'll be reading your Dreams and Doorways and your tournament fight, but >30 posts is a bit much for me in my ADD state.

[Alexander Trafford]

You have all neglected my C&C thread for long enough! Since DA is over, I would like some feedback and, more importantly, some criticisms.

[Alexander Trafford]

Starting a new storyline:
http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27204

Chapter One is an extension of the conclusion of Dante's Abyss, and the award Alex received. Chronologically, Chapter One precedes the events in Kill Town (Which will occupy the Chapter Two slot), and then the story will proceed following Kill Town.

Edit: I'm looking more for comments and criticisms regarding Alex as a character, and not this storyline in particular since it isn't really fleshed out.

[Ander]

As promised, if not a bit delayed, for your C&C in my thread.

Without a doubt, the first thing to stand out in any of your posts is your fantastic imagery. You treat descriptions like they’re fine pieces of art, and it really shows. It gives off a very unique feeling (at least to me) that I have not had with any other writer I’ve read. Sometimes that can be to your detriment, as you can go off on a tangent about describing something miniscule and ultimately unimportant to the post at large. That’s definitely not a bad thing, though, as long as you can maintain your focus on the main subject.

Alexander also has a very entertaining personality. He has very specific quirks, the two biggest ones being his Desert Eagles and his smoking habits, that make him easily stand out in a lineup. The thing that I love the most is that he has a fascination with pop culture, and at times seems to aspire towards the emotion or mindset of whomever he happens to be quoting, almost as though he chooses to emulate himself based on media entertainment in place of his own personality.

I thoroughly enjoyed Dreams & Doorways, which I would definitely recommend other people read. The thing that really struck me about it is that you took a regular, normal throwaway character and then elevated her to something far more important. Alex blows off some steam with an initially unattractive prostitute, and lo and behold, she cleans up pretty well and has a soul to boot. Even though she was only with Alex for such a short time, the scene when she’s on her knees and gets a gun to the head was build up perfectly well, and you could still feel the emotion in that instance. You have a talent for setting something up to knock it down, and the one thing that separates you from other writers who can do the same is you are quick and clean about it – minimalist when it comes to fluff.

Were I to recommend anything, it is that Alex’s development tends to get a little watered down or truncated in scenarios with other player characters. It’s funny, because you admitted that you’re not very good at cooperative role-playing, and your writing still comes out just as well when you’re interacting with others, but Alex himself becomes stunted in the process. I noticed that he flourishes the best in your solo efforts, when you have a goal for him, or a plot point in mind. Otherwise, he becomes a little too malleable to the situation he’s in, and by that, I mean, his growth as a person is overshadowed by the task he must do at the time.

Other than that, keep writing, and although we didn’t quite manage to align our timetable to have our characters interact in this most recent saga, it’s a definite start that they’ve at least met.