[BT1-FINAL] Orsalis v Alex T REVIEW

[Jonathan Meer]

http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28582

This thread will be closed after three days, as long as a minimum of five votes are reached by that point.

This is for the final; be prolific with your C&C!

[Mal Nova]

What is Prolific?

[Jarka]

What is Prolific?

Be thorough and very clear about your decision and how you came to it. Basically, give lots of feedback for their pros and cons.

[Alexander Trafford]

I came in here after seeing two responses hoping that they were votes/C&C and I am so, so disappointed.

[John Doe]

I had a headache right now, so I'm in no good state of mind to be writing my C&C.

I will say that my vote shall be for Alexander Trafford though. I'll edit in my C&C after I take a nap.

Edit:

Orsalis: There were quite a few times in your posts where I was confused with who exactly you were talking about. For example:

The short, skinny creature was fast, but not faster.

I couldn't tell if you were talking about Alex or Orsalis there. Because of the way you write with Orsalis, the human Alexander could be referred to as a "creature" for sure, though I wouldn't consider 6'1" as "short."

On the positives, I really liked the parts where the narrative meshes with Orsalis' thoughts, specifically the "favored hand" paragraph. I thought you nailed those out of the park. As well, where your first post misstepped, you picked up in your second post. It felt a lot more solid and I couldn't find as many errors.

Alexander Trafford: Where Orsalis' second post went up in quality, I felt your second post was your weaker one, which is unfortunate considering it is the last of the tournament. Your first post had everything I expected from your writing: detailed description and narration, a good feel for both characters, and even some good extended metaphors or similes. I wouldn't say that the second post didn't have all those things, but weren't as frequent or up to snuff as they were before. The final half of your second post's narration felt either rushed or cut off, I assume due to the 1500 word count limit.

Overall, I felt Trafford's writing was more solid than Orsalis' which is why I voted for him.

[Shou]

I'm none too good at C&C, but I've given this thread a couple glances throughout the week.

Orsalis, I don't know what I expected from you, but it couldn't have been much. I was pretty sure Alex would just walk into the finals, walk all over you, and then walk out with another notch on his belt. I admit I was wrong. You brought a new light to your character in the first post and set a hasty, in-your-face pace for the remainder of the fight. I thought you captured Ace's character pretty well and inspired decent enough imagery with your writing. The whole 'xenos' thing threw me off and you had a couple grammatical errors stuffed in there:

The silk suddenly snapped out and wrapped around Orsalis’ neck, growing taught as Trafford landed and forcing the icer off of his feet. (Taught should be 'taut', minor shit.)

There's definitely some money quality in your writing in this fight. Orsalis' banter got repetitive in the second post, but I guess that's just his character I disagree with and if that's how you're developing him then more power to you.

Alex. You're one of my more favored writers on Chubbs and I get that the whole tournament critique agreements and downtime probably pissed you off more than anyone else involved in the tournament, but I felt that the ending of this fight was wholly uninspired. I almost always expect you to drop a post in excess of a thousand words, capture someone's character as they themselves would, and express Ace's situation through Ace's eyes. I'm not taking away from the fact that you're a great writer, but I've read better work of yours. I just felt like this should've been no contest, but had to scrutinize the details to really judge this fight.

With that said I vote Alex (I want my rematch), but Orsalis put up a noteworthy Mexican standoff and I think he's a champ because of that. In the end Alex knows how to tighten up his work, which is what really won this over for him imo. I was going to vote Orsalis. I had to completely read this thread like three times. Great fight overall.

[Mal Nova]

OK... lets see what I can do here...

Big-O: Your first post,, well... it was descriptive, but better then the last one I read of yours, in my own opinion and easier to follow. The beginning piqued my interest though im not sure why. The whole smoke and dire and glass breaking, just reminded me of Stone Cold and I actually thought Orsalis was going to come out strutting like him. That really would have been fucking hilarious. But you did your own thing and it got my interest.

AlleyKat: Ok. I was never a fan of the near end of the dark Days of Mino, and for somereason at the beginning of your first post, it felt like that was what I was reading. IT leveled out quickly and you made it your own, and in my honest opinion you and Ors were near equal quality in the descriptive parts.



Big-O:Your second post was just as detailed and descrptive as the first and easy enough to read. There were a few errors but they were easy enough to see whqat you meant to say in the first place. near the end I especially liked the bit of getting into Ors mind and train of thought and tihnk you should have done that more so as you did there. You know... the part right before Alex says 'Hey' and snaps him out of it


AlleyKat: Your second post was for better and more entertaining then your first in my opinion. It felt more like Alex, I guess.



Now... I think both of you tried to put more of your 'character' into the fights before, but I really didn't feel like that what you tried to do here. I'm talking about depth and definition. The 'why', I guess. And I say that knowing that I am a fan of the story.

I said I wasn't going to read and vote because I felt I would be biased, even if I tried not to be. I felt that whoever won out of Belle and Alex would ahve been the winner no matter what.

That being said...

I Vote Orsalis. Alex, you really didnt do as well as i thought you would. Especially on the first post.

[Mal Nova]

The rules STATE... TWO more people have to VOTE...

But who the fuck is following rules anymore? They've been overlooked this whole damned tournament...

[Alexander Trafford]

I don't think the rules have been overlooked this whole tournament, and I'm kind of confused as to where you got that idea. I know Vad said that he was planning on reading and voting, and I remember Sylph stating that she had read the thread. I was counting on those two voting.

[Vad]

Read it. Both of you did a good job. Alex get's my vote in the end.

[Jonathan Meer]

The rules STATE... TWO more people have to VOTE...

But who the fuck is following rules anymore? They've been overlooked this whole damned tournament...

What rules have been overlooked?

[Sigfried Hunin]

In either case I want more people to vote. 3 votes is... it's just fuckin insulting.

[Jonathan Meer]

2 votes - Alex (Shou, John Doe)
1 vote - Orsalis (Mal Nova)

[Alexander Trafford]

Vad voted for Alex as well, does not providing C&C cancel out the vote?

[Jonathan Meer]

Yup.

[Mal Nova]

What rules have been overlooked?

48 HOURS

Edit: If you're gonna host an event like this then you should make the rules solid and not allow them to fluctuate.

I remember myself and another got hammered for not voting on time.

There was nothing in the rules that said finals or semi finals would be given exceptions.

[Mal Nova]

The final match didn't start till... 4 days after it should have... and didn't finish till 4 days later then what it should have...

You might think it's easy and brag about how you are hardly doing anything and all with these events. But not upholding your own damned rules, are exactly like you said, you are hardly doing nothing.

I missed a deadline and almost lost. Shit I missed another one and gave up because I had no real reason.. I goofed around one day, though I had started... and slept the next...

Then I slept the next cuase I was to damned tired after work. Not good enough of an excuse.

Semi finals and Finals had all kinds of back up...

Had I thought getting over on the fucking rules was that easily... heh... you get the point

[Jonathan Meer]

I said from the get-go that, as long as I'm given prior notice, I'll be lenient for extensions. You never gave prior notice.

I also made a precedent for being lenient on it as long as the opponent was also willing to be lenient. You never asked your opponent if your missed deadline could be waived.

Both Alex and Orsalis ran into a bit of difficulty with the deadlines. Considering this is the final, it's worth being lenient.

No one's getting any undue advantage from that leniency. Both were given extensions.

You weren't the only one held accountable for reneging on what you agreed to do.

Get into the final next time and you'll see the same degree of leniency.

[Mal Nova]

No I wont.

I tend to play the rules by the book.

Ask Ol' Alex as Mino. I cop'd a win off him cuz of his inactivity. Sucked cuz I wanted to RP against him... But I had things to do...

[Jonathan Meer]

I'm not going to argue with you.

My decision has been made and it is final. If you think you have been treated unfairly, you're welcome to take it up with a Super Mod or Admin.