Lying in bed while staring through shut eyes...

[Reijin]

So I just found out yesterday at work that a friend of mine that used to work with me killed himself on January 19th. Right after I started moving up here. One of my goals was to get to know the guy better. Nothing I really realized at the time... Just something I realized everytime I'd run into him, since his mom worked with us as well. Whenever I saw him, I'd ask him what was up, and tell him we should hang out sometime, even though things never worked out to do so... He was a really cool guy, albeit slightly emotional... Read the same book series, was into anime, alot of things. He was awesome, no other words for it. Definately someone that I wish I had gotten the opportunity to get to know.

But he shot himself. So I'll not get that chance.

For someone I didn't know too well, its hitting me rather hard. I mean, I'm going through my daily life fine, but when the music stops, and the noise silences, when the tv drones off, and the cry of work ceases... I find myself thinking about it. Wishing it hadn't happened. Wishing I'd been able to get in my time of hanging out with the guy. Thinking that maybe in some way I could have given him what he needed in encouragement to help him be happy with himself. Even knowing that I couldn't anymore than his closer friends could have.

But you can still regret, eh?

Shortly after I heard the news, I came home and indeed found his MySpace suicide note that I'd heard about. That, and the comments about the funeral, really drove in the impact.

Everyone... Please... I beg you... If you ever come to that crossroad, and want to do that act, even knowing how much people will miss you, as he did... Please just hold on and keep going on. Its in no way the right way to deal with the situation, and its the biggest and most irreversable mistake you can ever make, albeit your final one. No amount of mistakes accountable in your long "crappy" life will ever add up to the mistake of ending yours early. Please, don't do it. For every regret you take with you when you go, you leave a hundred in the lives of everyone else that didn't get to spend the final moments with you that they wanted. Life is too short and it already ends before everyone is fully accepting of no longer being able to be with you... Don't make it all the more early...