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+--- Thread: eh.. a little input? (/showthread.php?tid=13478)
eh.. a little input? - Mal Nova - 01-23-2009
http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25308
I was initially supposed to have a story going with Vad... but he went elsewhere... obviously... but yeah...
Its a beginning of a new character.. just curious of thoughts....
eh.. a little input? - Shun - 01-23-2009
It was refreshing to see you writing a different persona. From what I could gather Mal isn't as...aggressive, I guess, as Retane. He was more like a lost boy who enjoys feeding his curiosity. Somewhat innocent.
The way you write though still made me feel like it was Retane, like I expected him to jump in at any second. That's probably more me though now that I come to think about it.
My only suggestion would be to proof read. Unless I read it wrong you made a few errors that could've been easily corrected by a proof read.
Thumbs up though overall, glad to see you writing again.
eh.. a little input? - Mal Nova - 01-23-2009
I never proof read.. and part of that RP had been written months ago =D
It's hard to write him until he gets more depth...
eh.. a little input? - Shun - 01-24-2009
Oh, definitely. He'd require more depth and you'd need to get more of a feel to him. Just wanted to give you my opinion though. =P
Edit: Plus make sure it wasn't me.