Posts: 54
Threads: 358
Joined: Apr 2006
http://cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25308
I was initially supposed to have a story going with Vad... but he went elsewhere... obviously... but yeah...
Its a beginning of a new character.. just curious of thoughts....
Reb: ya know
Reb: I think you're a fucking moron OOC
Reb: but I have to hand it to you
Reb: you've become a really great writer
Posts: 3
Threads: 153
Joined: Jul 2006
01-23-2009, 03:18 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-23-2009, 03:19 PM by Shun.)
It was refreshing to see you writing a different persona. From what I could gather Mal isn't as...aggressive, I guess, as Retane. He was more like a lost boy who enjoys feeding his curiosity. Somewhat innocent.
The way you write though still made me feel like it was Retane, like I expected him to jump in at any second. That's probably more me though now that I come to think about it.
My only suggestion would be to proof read. Unless I read it wrong you made a few errors that could've been easily corrected by a proof read.
Thumbs up though overall, glad to see you writing again.
Posts: 54
Threads: 358
Joined: Apr 2006
I never proof read.. and part of that RP had been written months ago =D
It's hard to write him until he gets more depth...
Reb: ya know
Reb: I think you're a fucking moron OOC
Reb: but I have to hand it to you
Reb: you've become a really great writer
Posts: 3
Threads: 153
Joined: Jul 2006
01-24-2009, 02:50 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-24-2009, 02:54 PM by Shun.)
Oh, definitely. He'd require more depth and you'd need to get more of a feel to him. Just wanted to give you my opinion though. =P
Edit: Plus make sure it wasn't me.
![[Image: ChubbsMal.png]](http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s174/havik_album/ChubbsMal.png)
![[Image: Shun_Malevolence.png]](http://i152.photobucket.com/albums/s174/havik_album/Shun_Malevolence.png)