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+--- Thread: Heavy Heart ~poem (/showthread.php?tid=23698)
Heavy Heart ~poem - Reijin - 12-07-2004
Mone!
Heavy Heart ~poem - Old Selipa - 12-08-2004
That is very good I liked it a lot. Did you ever come to Canada Toronto?
Heavy Heart ~poem - Hellfighter 17 - 12-08-2004
That is pretty good man, I wish I could do that, but I always just slap mine together and they never com eout right.
Heavy Heart ~poem - Old Selipa - 12-08-2004
Your emotions seem to be on the negative side so I hope you get better. Love can be a hard and tricky item to deal with.
This maybe of topic but how was Toronto for you, did you view any of the locations I suggested. ^_^ Cause its interesting to see how Chubbs has made this world much more smaller in making companions come to your part of the world.
Heavy Heart ~poem - Krillin - 12-08-2004
That was a pretty good poem. The imagery was wonderful, and rather concrete. However, the syllabic inequality between the lines kinda shook it up a bit. You don't have to have perfect meter (as I can't really stand to attempt doing that), but it would greatly help the flow of this piece.
In all, not bad.
Heavy Heart ~poem - Krillin - 12-09-2004
Each line varied strongly in number of syllables, and it progressed from stanza to stanza. It made me, when I read it, miss beats and accidentally add some. It kinda detracted from the overall feel.
But, like I said, I usually don't count out my syllables either, so don't worry about it too much. Today's poetry has strayed greatly from metrical accuracy.