Brian's Lament

[Vegeta]

this was written for a friend.
---

the salt of our tears still fresh on your hands

the ending to this story came

many pages too soon

the writer adds to other stories with brash pen strokes, readers skip this chapter

and will not read

but you will not be forgotten

we hold your memory here

a fragile indent on the world you left

one we will never ignore

i am sorry you left so soon

wish you could have stayed another night

another minute

another breath

we know you could have become so great

but you were robbed of the chance

all we can do to honor you

is to never forget

the beat of your heart

the rhythm of your breath

the words you spoke in such careful glances

growing, becoming, blooming

you will always be one of the beautiful ones

[Hellfighter 17]

Hmm. This one seemed a bit off. I'm used to having to think of a meaning in your pieces, and I'm not syaing that more straight-forward stuff is entirely bad, but at about the beginning you related his life to a book, whidch I thought wa spretty good, but then you turned it into basically saying the same thing and straight-forward, too, which makes it a bit out of tune and repetitive. Also, the first line does not really match the style of the 'straight-forward bit either. =/ Hope I didn't sound too mah-hean. I would of read it sooner, but I was on the computer at the school at lunch which sucks so your thread wasn't new anymore =(

[Old Dave]

considering this was for my brother go jump in a lake >.> I like it.