04-16-2005, 01:17 AM
The beginning was good, but the ending, that didn't come out too good.
NO NO NO NO NO! Unless this is a class project or something and you're required to do this DON'T do that. You were writing this story as if you were the narrarator. Don't just have this sudden jump to a "and they all died. jk jk." it makes it bad. That, and it got REALLY confusing there at the end, with reinforcements coming out of nowhere. It is sorta random, those things need a bit of an explanation to the reader, even if the characters don't. It's called dramatic irony, and it helps improve writing pieces.
Otherwise, I thought it was a good story right until that sentence I quoted. Good job.
Quote:Thus ended the valiant human race brought to a depressing end. Just kidding.
NO NO NO NO NO! Unless this is a class project or something and you're required to do this DON'T do that. You were writing this story as if you were the narrarator. Don't just have this sudden jump to a "and they all died. jk jk." it makes it bad. That, and it got REALLY confusing there at the end, with reinforcements coming out of nowhere. It is sorta random, those things need a bit of an explanation to the reader, even if the characters don't. It's called dramatic irony, and it helps improve writing pieces.
Otherwise, I thought it was a good story right until that sentence I quoted. Good job.
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