03-23-2011, 08:26 PM
Mal:
Using a word processor really helped ya out. I must say I was actually a little surprised with how well you did, and that is a good thing. I definitely respect you a bit more as a writer now, that's for certain. Still though, certain aspects of your writing were confusing and a bit hard to follow. I think you could work at making your character shine out a bit more, give him some more dialog, vary up what he's doing/thinking/saying so that we can get a more complete image of what this fight means to him and all of that. I liked the introspection.
Doe:
You make hard for me to vote for yas cause I feel it's pretty obvious that you just blew off your first post. It was incredibly short and not up to par with what I know you're capable of. I dunno why ya did it that way, but it really came across like you were blowing your fight for some reason. Where your first post left out, your second post picked up. It was pretty good, and I liked it. The "Hey! Look at that over there!" gag got a little bit old after a while, and I would have liked to see more variations of trickery and underhandedness that we all know Doe is capable of.
All in all, I vote for Mal Nova. The first post killed it for me Doe, and Mal stepped up where you stepped down. Good fight and I gotta say I'd like to see more form both of you.
Using a word processor really helped ya out. I must say I was actually a little surprised with how well you did, and that is a good thing. I definitely respect you a bit more as a writer now, that's for certain. Still though, certain aspects of your writing were confusing and a bit hard to follow. I think you could work at making your character shine out a bit more, give him some more dialog, vary up what he's doing/thinking/saying so that we can get a more complete image of what this fight means to him and all of that. I liked the introspection.
Doe:
You make hard for me to vote for yas cause I feel it's pretty obvious that you just blew off your first post. It was incredibly short and not up to par with what I know you're capable of. I dunno why ya did it that way, but it really came across like you were blowing your fight for some reason. Where your first post left out, your second post picked up. It was pretty good, and I liked it. The "Hey! Look at that over there!" gag got a little bit old after a while, and I would have liked to see more variations of trickery and underhandedness that we all know Doe is capable of.
All in all, I vote for Mal Nova. The first post killed it for me Doe, and Mal stepped up where you stepped down. Good fight and I gotta say I'd like to see more form both of you.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]