[BT1] Mal Nova v John Doe Review

[Edward Reynolds]

Mal: Your spelling's a vast improvement given your use of an online spell checker. Glossing over what you write should help you catch any strays/misused words that crop up (you use 'wonted' instead of 'wanted' at some point in your second post, if I recall). Your grammar has also improved, but there's still some room for improvement. To turn away from the mechanical, I'd recommend you drop one or two of your substitute names. After a while, the sheer volume of all those proper nouns just feels a bit… cumbersome. Perhaps if you just didn't capitalize a few of them (like 'jade fiend' or 'renegade' or 'imperfect namekian') it would be a different story. Content-wise, I feel that both of your posts were solid. I wasn't a fan of that weird bit with the lady near the end of your second post, as it left me confused more than anything else and took away from the pace of the previous combat-y punchy stuff.

Doe: (fux u Juno for stealing mah words) I think the whole 'Doell' thing is adorable, but try not to overdo it to prevent it from feeling trite or old. At some points I like your dialogue, and at other times, I'm wondering what sort of southern cesspool would talk that way. I also believe that your moniker 'country boy' should only have one set of quotes, rather than two (that's a random nitpicky thing, but eh, sue me). As a fan of 'limited' third-person viewpoints, I enjoy the constant internal monologue from Doe. The big flaw I had with your work was that I felt you just kind of went 'ohshi I haz to write' for the first post. It felt lacking, as if you just threw it together an hour before the deadline. Your second post was a vast improvement, and if you continue on to the next round, I hope you treat every post like it's your last post.

All that said, I give the fight to Mal Nova. I felt that both his posts were solid work.