03-24-2011, 04:16 PM
Going to be completely objective here. . .
Mal
You are improving. I remember when I was still trying to find myself as a writer and I looked down at you -- with some disrespect, to be honest. Probably because of the spelling and grammar/punctuation issues. However, you are becoming a solid storyteller. You word-usage sets a good tone that compliments your character well. I wouldn't say you blew me away in this Round -- you did ok. You seem to have a little difficulty with dialogue, so I'd like to see you improve in that area. Also, you use a little too many aliases (I counted over a handful). Sometimes it throws the reader off, so I'd--personally--recommend slimming down to maybe 4, 5 max. Make them simple (renegade, Namekian, fiend). Imperfect Namekian, Son of Retane, Jade Fiend, Demon of Namek aren't needed. They just seem a little long. Besides, along with 4 or 5 aliases, you still have your character's name (which, in your case, you can use Mal; Nova; and both together). You had your fair share of writing errors, but I know you don't have MS Word, so it's hard to really edit properly (I have the same problem, so I feel for you).
John Doe
Okay, you're a pretty good technical writer. Both posts seemed relatively sound. However, the first post you could tell was rushed. It lacked consistent flow. Second post was better. It seemed liked to took your time a little more, and it paid off. Sometimes you have to be a little patient as a writer. If you get writer's block, go watch a movie or get something to eat; then come back with a clearer head. Minor errors really. I enjoyed your dialogue, and John seems like a real interesting character.
In the end, I have to go with Mal Nova. It really came down to consistency to me. Both of Mal's posts were relatively solid, while John's first post lacked some flow. It was still a pretty close fight, and entertaining. I'd like to keep seeing you two write and improve.
Mal
You are improving. I remember when I was still trying to find myself as a writer and I looked down at you -- with some disrespect, to be honest. Probably because of the spelling and grammar/punctuation issues. However, you are becoming a solid storyteller. You word-usage sets a good tone that compliments your character well. I wouldn't say you blew me away in this Round -- you did ok. You seem to have a little difficulty with dialogue, so I'd like to see you improve in that area. Also, you use a little too many aliases (I counted over a handful). Sometimes it throws the reader off, so I'd--personally--recommend slimming down to maybe 4, 5 max. Make them simple (renegade, Namekian, fiend). Imperfect Namekian, Son of Retane, Jade Fiend, Demon of Namek aren't needed. They just seem a little long. Besides, along with 4 or 5 aliases, you still have your character's name (which, in your case, you can use Mal; Nova; and both together). You had your fair share of writing errors, but I know you don't have MS Word, so it's hard to really edit properly (I have the same problem, so I feel for you).
John Doe
Okay, you're a pretty good technical writer. Both posts seemed relatively sound. However, the first post you could tell was rushed. It lacked consistent flow. Second post was better. It seemed liked to took your time a little more, and it paid off. Sometimes you have to be a little patient as a writer. If you get writer's block, go watch a movie or get something to eat; then come back with a clearer head. Minor errors really. I enjoyed your dialogue, and John seems like a real interesting character.
In the end, I have to go with Mal Nova. It really came down to consistency to me. Both of Mal's posts were relatively solid, while John's first post lacked some flow. It was still a pretty close fight, and entertaining. I'd like to keep seeing you two write and improve.
![[Image: 1stAerosig.png]](http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q218/Aerogfx/sigs/1stAerosig.png)
Placed 3rd in Dante's Abyss 08