03-25-2011, 08:26 AM
This was a much, much harder fight to judge than I predicted.
Mal:
Let me start by congratulating your improvement in spelling and grammar. I'm not sure what you're doing, whether it's just a spell checker or what, but it's vastly better than some of the incomprehensible things you once wrote. Well done.
There were occasions where there were funny commas or redundant words, but they were few and far between and didn't really affect much.
Your fights are well written and the descriptions are fluent and easy to follow. I also thought your depiction of John was spot on; it almost seemed like you collaborated with him before each post, or you let him write those segments, because they were very true to the way Doe is written.
I was a little confused where Mal blacked out at the end of one of the posts and a mysterious girl smiled at him, which he interpreted as a message to settle down. Maybe there's some back story there I'm unaware of, but this is a tournament, and not everyone has read all of your work. If you are going to include past events, make sure you flesh them out in an easy to understand but uncomplicated manner.
tl:dr; Astounding improvements since I last read your work. Good stuff.
Doe:
Despite the fact that you won two (three?) awards in the last saga, I'll admit that I haven't read much of your work. Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to see this fight. Your structure flows brilliantly and progresses at a good pace. Even though I haven't read a lot of your stuff, it was obvious from your posts that Doe's country bumpkin persona was a front to conceal his identity, and it was good that I could tell that without having to bury myself in your past work to get context.
Beyond that, Doe is an endearing character. He is a lovable scamp, persistently poking the bear to help his fight while maintaining a facade that is quite funny. Also, a few points for your dialogue. Doe's speech is well written and humorous and a joy to read.
You're one of the few people I have trouble finding fault in. If there was anything there that needs improvement, all of the aforementioned points buffed them away.
tl:dr; Well written, entertaining character design, hard see fault.
This was a really tough choice, but John Doe gets my vote. I hope one of you comes back as a wildcard.
Mal:
Let me start by congratulating your improvement in spelling and grammar. I'm not sure what you're doing, whether it's just a spell checker or what, but it's vastly better than some of the incomprehensible things you once wrote. Well done.
There were occasions where there were funny commas or redundant words, but they were few and far between and didn't really affect much.
Your fights are well written and the descriptions are fluent and easy to follow. I also thought your depiction of John was spot on; it almost seemed like you collaborated with him before each post, or you let him write those segments, because they were very true to the way Doe is written.
I was a little confused where Mal blacked out at the end of one of the posts and a mysterious girl smiled at him, which he interpreted as a message to settle down. Maybe there's some back story there I'm unaware of, but this is a tournament, and not everyone has read all of your work. If you are going to include past events, make sure you flesh them out in an easy to understand but uncomplicated manner.
tl:dr; Astounding improvements since I last read your work. Good stuff.
Doe:
Despite the fact that you won two (three?) awards in the last saga, I'll admit that I haven't read much of your work. Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to see this fight. Your structure flows brilliantly and progresses at a good pace. Even though I haven't read a lot of your stuff, it was obvious from your posts that Doe's country bumpkin persona was a front to conceal his identity, and it was good that I could tell that without having to bury myself in your past work to get context.
Beyond that, Doe is an endearing character. He is a lovable scamp, persistently poking the bear to help his fight while maintaining a facade that is quite funny. Also, a few points for your dialogue. Doe's speech is well written and humorous and a joy to read.
You're one of the few people I have trouble finding fault in. If there was anything there that needs improvement, all of the aforementioned points buffed them away.
tl:dr; Well written, entertaining character design, hard see fault.
This was a really tough choice, but John Doe gets my vote. I hope one of you comes back as a wildcard.
![[Image: OrionAug11.jpg]](http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b187/captain_civic/OrionAug11.jpg)