04-07-2011, 03:56 AM
Mal:
You are always improving. I didn't know you from before the changeover, and I don't know if you were around or whatever, but I remember rolling up as Gozen and thinking you were kind of a joke. You've certainly improved, and by a lot. You need to edit your stuff a little more (not one to talk, but even if the pot calls the kettle black, they're both still black.) You use a shitton of titles, but I think it adds to your character. Just keep on writing, and keep on reading. You'll get better just like the rest of us are.
You wrote like, 80% of your first post NOT about fighting. That's a downside to me. Also, ya missed a post. That's a killer right there. Now your one post has to be all kinds of badass in comparison to the other person's 2.
Belle:
I love the way you describe the way your character feels. When he transforms, when he powers up, it's an emotional experience to read it. That's pretty dope. You carry a lot of your character through dialog and introspection. You can share your character through your words too, you can blend poetry and prose to make us feel your character through the words "he" uses in his experience of the world. That's just IMO, however. Sometimes things just seem a tad dry, you dig?
Your first post was more talk with Mal (for the most part) which is ok, but once again I kinda wanna read about fighting in a competition about fighting.
Belle is the winner here.
You are always improving. I didn't know you from before the changeover, and I don't know if you were around or whatever, but I remember rolling up as Gozen and thinking you were kind of a joke. You've certainly improved, and by a lot. You need to edit your stuff a little more (not one to talk, but even if the pot calls the kettle black, they're both still black.) You use a shitton of titles, but I think it adds to your character. Just keep on writing, and keep on reading. You'll get better just like the rest of us are.
You wrote like, 80% of your first post NOT about fighting. That's a downside to me. Also, ya missed a post. That's a killer right there. Now your one post has to be all kinds of badass in comparison to the other person's 2.
Belle:
I love the way you describe the way your character feels. When he transforms, when he powers up, it's an emotional experience to read it. That's pretty dope. You carry a lot of your character through dialog and introspection. You can share your character through your words too, you can blend poetry and prose to make us feel your character through the words "he" uses in his experience of the world. That's just IMO, however. Sometimes things just seem a tad dry, you dig?
Your first post was more talk with Mal (for the most part) which is ok, but once again I kinda wanna read about fighting in a competition about fighting.
Belle is the winner here.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]