03-18-2005, 02:56 AM
Repetition is a beautiful thing, but it's like cayenne pepper. A little bit adds vibrancy to your works, but too much will burn in your reader's mouth. 'Time is my enemy' is a very dry phrase to repeat.
I'm all for the free-verse movement (though I prefer a good classical piece myself), but this just isn't working. There's nothing keeping the poem together, except the repetition. As I've already said, it isn't working.
Try working in some imagery with your poem. Give us a symbol relating Time as an enemy. Is it like a knife wound in your heart, or is it simply a scald upon your palm? Is it a snake in the leaves, or a falcon silhouette?
Work around with it, give it a re-write, and let it sit for three days. On the third day, resurrect it and read it again to yourself. If it's completely horrible, throw it away. If there's a single diamond in it, however, harvest it and consider your writing a success.
I'm all for the free-verse movement (though I prefer a good classical piece myself), but this just isn't working. There's nothing keeping the poem together, except the repetition. As I've already said, it isn't working.
Try working in some imagery with your poem. Give us a symbol relating Time as an enemy. Is it like a knife wound in your heart, or is it simply a scald upon your palm? Is it a snake in the leaves, or a falcon silhouette?
Work around with it, give it a re-write, and let it sit for three days. On the third day, resurrect it and read it again to yourself. If it's completely horrible, throw it away. If there's a single diamond in it, however, harvest it and consider your writing a success.
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