03-19-2005, 10:42 PM
Oh, I didn't see your advice earlier Krillin, thanks. I have the inspiration, but no talent, yeesh.
I think instead of "The wound is formed," it should be "The wound starts." Then, instead of "The wound grows longer," maybe "The wound starts to take over." Next, maybe "The wound takes ahold of me" taking place of "The wound grows deeper." For the finisher, possible replace "The wound swallows me," with "The wound engulfs my soul." Just my thoughts, on your renditions to it, I'm thinking of what to do with the last two verses, thanks for the advice though, guys.
I think instead of "The wound is formed," it should be "The wound starts." Then, instead of "The wound grows longer," maybe "The wound starts to take over." Next, maybe "The wound takes ahold of me" taking place of "The wound grows deeper." For the finisher, possible replace "The wound swallows me," with "The wound engulfs my soul." Just my thoughts, on your renditions to it, I'm thinking of what to do with the last two verses, thanks for the advice though, guys.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
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