03-20-2005, 02:19 AM
This may not be the smae one, but I think it is better, and tell me if I even have a shred of decency in this that can turn into something better and expand into multiple other poems of equal or greater quality.
Eyes watching me
Following me closely
Trying to break me
Never losing their gaze
The walls closing in
Trapping me
Making me lose my mind
Capturing me for all time
The fire burning with an eternal gaze
Burning at my heart
Blinding out all
Devouring at my soul
The world disappeared
Leaving an emptiness in my mind
My soul failing to fight back
My heart giving in
I feel like it is missing an extra "umph." What do y'all think?
BTW, Friezy, that is pretty good. Will you be my sensei?
Eyes watching me
Following me closely
Trying to break me
Never losing their gaze
The walls closing in
Trapping me
Making me lose my mind
Capturing me for all time
The fire burning with an eternal gaze
Burning at my heart
Blinding out all
Devouring at my soul
The world disappeared
Leaving an emptiness in my mind
My soul failing to fight back
My heart giving in
I feel like it is missing an extra "umph." What do y'all think?
BTW, Friezy, that is pretty good. Will you be my sensei?
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl."
![[Image: HFSeventeen.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/hf17/HFSeventeen.jpg)