I have Autisum,please help

[Android-18]

I have a manic-depressive illness, as well as social phobia, not to mention entomophobia.

I've gotten better since I've been writing, but even now, I sometimes keep saying to myself in my head that I'm worthless. Even while I'm being held by my bf, and I had been very happy, I'll suddenly want to kill my self thinking my life is going to fall apart. I often think I'm not good enough for parties, or friends. I find myseld more judgemental about myself than others.

I was diagnosed with this after my mom saw the damage I did to my wrist. I was supposed to go on anti-depressants, but she decided I didn't need them. RPing is my anti depressant.

Aside from that, bugs of any kind cause me to have a panic attack. As well as myself being in large groups of people.