12-06-2005, 09:43 PM
One thing I will give you is that you're incredibly vivid when it comes to describing Eighteen's feelings, and putting them into effective metaphors and similes. I can completely sympathize and empathize. You really know how to portray your character's mental and physical state. I find myself wondering if you're manifesting sometimes, but that's really none of my business. The scenery and environment you picture is so perfect that I can flawlessly visualize it in my head. You do have slight grammatical and capitalizational errors, the most obvious one being...
The first word after dialogue, unless it begins a separate sentence, isn't capitalized. That and a lot of your beginning quotations are backwards. I'm not going to lie. That kinda bothers me. But it's not a big deal.
What I most like is that you can completely and seamlessly run the emotional gamut: intimate to humorous, confusion to clarity, etc.
Overall, I really don't see any problems with it. You're a better writer than you give yourself credit for.
Quote:Originally posted by Android-18
?The HQ. Where are you?? She answered and then inquired.
The first word after dialogue, unless it begins a separate sentence, isn't capitalized. That and a lot of your beginning quotations are backwards. I'm not going to lie. That kinda bothers me. But it's not a big deal.
What I most like is that you can completely and seamlessly run the emotional gamut: intimate to humorous, confusion to clarity, etc.
Overall, I really don't see any problems with it. You're a better writer than you give yourself credit for.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_