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See ehn See

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See ehn See
Olibu Offline
Junior Member
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Posts: 7
Threads: 35
Joined: Jan 2007
#4
05-09-2007, 05:17 AM
I dunno if you wanted a lengthy critique, but I'll give it a shot. I love how you build the two characters up like they are important, and then as soon as it would start to get to their heads, you rip it right back down. You did that perfectly by having that woman not know of you. I also like your companionship with 18, its kinda refreshing how you can show so much without showing anything. Their relationship showed how comfortable they are with eachother and you used very little words to do so. I know a writer is good when I laugh because I'm not just looking at words anymore, I see the story and not just the words.

?Style? Iunno? I just hit people. They usually fall down.?

Best part eva!


For mine, use the same link, do my sign up I guess.
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Messages In This Thread
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 04:40 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 04:41 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 04:49 AM
See ehn See - by Olibu - 05-09-2007, 05:17 AM
See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-09-2007, 06:41 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 06:49 AM
See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-09-2007, 06:51 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM
See ehn See - by Android-18 - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM
See ehn See - by Reijin - 05-09-2007, 08:32 AM
See ehn See - by Grandpa Gohan - 05-09-2007, 10:17 PM
See ehn See - by Whompt - 05-10-2007, 12:41 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-10-2007, 12:49 AM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-10-2007, 01:06 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-10-2007, 03:34 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 01:53 AM
See ehn See - by Kirano - 05-11-2007, 02:01 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-11-2007, 02:02 AM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-11-2007, 02:03 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-11-2007, 02:04 AM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-11-2007, 02:09 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 02:51 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-11-2007, 02:56 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 02:58 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-11-2007, 03:01 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 03:05 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-11-2007, 12:42 PM
See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-12-2007, 02:31 PM
See ehn See - by King Cold444 - 05-12-2007, 03:43 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-13-2007, 05:10 AM
See ehn See - by Bra - 05-13-2007, 11:20 PM
See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-13-2007, 11:30 PM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-13-2007, 11:39 PM
See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-13-2007, 11:49 PM
See ehn See - by Tobias - 05-14-2007, 03:46 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-14-2007, 04:57 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-14-2007, 05:27 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-15-2007, 08:52 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-16-2007, 02:11 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 05:39 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:42 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 05:43 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:47 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:59 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 06:03 AM
See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 12:05 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 12:15 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:04 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 01:06 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:20 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 01:31 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:36 AM
See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 02:22 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-17-2007, 02:47 AM
See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 02:51 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 02:57 AM
See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-17-2007, 03:16 AM
See ehn See - by Deo - 05-22-2007, 02:10 AM
See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-22-2007, 02:26 AM
See ehn See - by Tapion - 05-22-2007, 03:12 AM
See ehn See - by Yamu - 05-22-2007, 02:15 PM
See ehn See - by Deo - 05-22-2007, 11:17 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-23-2007, 12:15 AM
See ehn See - by Deo - 05-23-2007, 12:17 AM
See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-23-2007, 12:29 AM
See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-23-2007, 02:19 AM
See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-23-2007, 02:23 AM
See ehn See - by Android-18 - 05-23-2007, 06:23 AM
See ehn See - by Deo - 05-23-2007, 11:16 PM
See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-24-2007, 01:00 AM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-24-2007, 01:15 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-24-2007, 02:14 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-24-2007, 12:32 PM
See ehn See - by Celipa - 05-24-2007, 11:34 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-24-2007, 11:37 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 12:46 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 12:47 AM
See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:37 AM
See ehn See - by Bra - 05-25-2007, 01:38 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:39 AM
See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:43 AM
See ehn See - by Bra - 05-25-2007, 01:43 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:46 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:55 AM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-25-2007, 02:02 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 02:03 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:09 AM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-25-2007, 02:10 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:11 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 02:15 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:16 AM
See ehn See - by Nori - 05-25-2007, 02:21 AM
See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 03:10 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 03:13 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 04:24 AM
See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 04:29 AM
See ehn See - by OldPikkon - 05-25-2007, 04:57 AM
See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 12:29 PM
See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 01:07 PM
See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:14 PM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-25-2007, 06:24 PM
See ehn See - by Vegeta - 05-25-2007, 08:35 PM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 08:46 PM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 08:53 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 11:02 PM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-25-2007, 11:07 PM
See ehn See - by Yajirobe - 05-25-2007, 11:22 PM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 11:23 PM
See ehn See - by Bardock - 05-25-2007, 11:23 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 11:33 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 02:39 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 02:43 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 02:48 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 02:59 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 03:00 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 03:02 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 03:12 AM
See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-26-2007, 08:33 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 08:39 AM
See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-26-2007, 12:06 PM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 12:41 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-26-2007, 01:10 PM
See ehn See - by Deo - 05-26-2007, 01:14 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-26-2007, 01:22 PM
See ehn See - by Orion - 05-26-2007, 02:24 PM
See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-26-2007, 02:28 PM
See ehn See - by Burter - 05-26-2007, 02:33 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 03:52 PM
See ehn See - by Deo - 05-26-2007, 04:09 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 04:13 PM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 05:49 PM
See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-26-2007, 07:21 PM
See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-26-2007, 11:05 PM
See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-27-2007, 01:04 AM
See ehn See - by Paragus - 05-27-2007, 01:07 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-27-2007, 01:30 AM
See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-27-2007, 01:37 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-27-2007, 04:16 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-27-2007, 07:01 PM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-27-2007, 10:22 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-27-2007, 10:26 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-28-2007, 04:39 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:23 PM
See ehn See - by Yamu - 05-28-2007, 10:25 PM
See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-28-2007, 10:33 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:34 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:40 PM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-28-2007, 10:45 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:56 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-28-2007, 11:02 PM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-28-2007, 11:03 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-29-2007, 12:48 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-29-2007, 12:50 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 12:58 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-30-2007, 01:05 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 03:06 AM
See ehn See - by Vegeta - 05-30-2007, 03:10 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 03:22 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-30-2007, 03:41 AM
See ehn See - by Saz - 05-31-2007, 12:28 AM
See ehn See - by Mowgli - 05-31-2007, 07:17 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-31-2007, 12:44 PM
See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-31-2007, 08:53 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 05-31-2007, 09:00 PM
See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 12:58 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 01:05 AM
See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 01:11 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 01:22 AM
See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 01:27 AM
See ehn See - by Deo - 06-01-2007, 01:28 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 02:24 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 06-01-2007, 02:26 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 02:40 AM
See ehn See - by Deo - 06-01-2007, 02:41 AM
See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 06:50 PM
See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 10:01 PM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 11:20 PM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-02-2007, 12:45 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-02-2007, 01:56 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-02-2007, 03:07 AM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 06-04-2007, 03:22 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-04-2007, 03:34 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-04-2007, 03:37 AM
See ehn See - by Burter - 06-04-2007, 03:40 AM
See ehn See - by Retane - 06-04-2007, 03:41 AM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-04-2007, 12:13 PM
See ehn See - by Raditzu - 06-07-2007, 08:20 PM
See ehn See - by Deo - 06-07-2007, 11:27 PM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-07-2007, 11:43 PM
See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-09-2007, 03:46 AM
See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-10-2007, 01:58 AM
See ehn See - by Bra - 06-10-2007, 02:35 AM

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