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See ehn See

Burter Offline

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Posts: 492
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Joined: Jan 2004

#24

05-11-2007, 02:56 AM

Zangya:

You write way more then nessecary and the extra details makes it really boring to read. You could have had an excellent roleplay if you had the narrator just get to the point and be blunt. Your character would work perfect if the narrator worked with her. See Raditzu's or Celipa's posts for examples of how the narrators interacts with the roleplay

Details are nice to picture a scene, but it can get boring when you go overboard

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See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 04:40 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 04:41 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 04:49 AM

See ehn See - by Olibu - 05-09-2007, 05:17 AM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-09-2007, 06:41 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 06:49 AM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-09-2007, 06:51 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM

See ehn See - by Android-18 - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM

See ehn See - by Reijin - 05-09-2007, 08:32 AM

See ehn See - by Grandpa Gohan - 05-09-2007, 10:17 PM

See ehn See - by Whompt - 05-10-2007, 12:41 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-10-2007, 12:49 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-10-2007, 01:06 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-10-2007, 03:34 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 01:53 AM

See ehn See - by Kirano - 05-11-2007, 02:01 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-11-2007, 02:02 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-11-2007, 02:03 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-11-2007, 02:04 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-11-2007, 02:09 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 02:51 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-11-2007, 02:56 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 02:58 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-11-2007, 03:01 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 03:05 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-11-2007, 12:42 PM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-12-2007, 02:31 PM

See ehn See - by King Cold444 - 05-12-2007, 03:43 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-13-2007, 05:10 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 05-13-2007, 11:20 PM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-13-2007, 11:30 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-13-2007, 11:39 PM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-13-2007, 11:49 PM

See ehn See - by Tobias - 05-14-2007, 03:46 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-14-2007, 04:57 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-14-2007, 05:27 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-15-2007, 08:52 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-16-2007, 02:11 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 05:39 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:42 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 05:43 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:47 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:59 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 06:03 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 12:05 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 12:15 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:04 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 01:06 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:20 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 01:31 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:36 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 02:22 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-17-2007, 02:47 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 02:51 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 02:57 AM

See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-17-2007, 03:16 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-22-2007, 02:10 AM

See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-22-2007, 02:26 AM

See ehn See - by Tapion - 05-22-2007, 03:12 AM

See ehn See - by Yamu - 05-22-2007, 02:15 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-22-2007, 11:17 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-23-2007, 12:15 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-23-2007, 12:17 AM

See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-23-2007, 12:29 AM

See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-23-2007, 02:19 AM

See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-23-2007, 02:23 AM

See ehn See - by Android-18 - 05-23-2007, 06:23 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-23-2007, 11:16 PM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-24-2007, 01:00 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-24-2007, 01:15 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-24-2007, 02:14 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-24-2007, 12:32 PM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 05-24-2007, 11:34 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-24-2007, 11:37 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 12:46 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 12:47 AM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:37 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 05-25-2007, 01:38 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:39 AM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:43 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 05-25-2007, 01:43 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:46 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:55 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-25-2007, 02:02 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 02:03 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:09 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-25-2007, 02:10 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:11 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 02:15 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:16 AM

See ehn See - by Nori - 05-25-2007, 02:21 AM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 03:10 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 03:13 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 04:24 AM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 04:29 AM

See ehn See - by OldPikkon - 05-25-2007, 04:57 AM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 12:29 PM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 01:07 PM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:14 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-25-2007, 06:24 PM

See ehn See - by Vegeta - 05-25-2007, 08:35 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 08:46 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 08:53 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 11:02 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-25-2007, 11:07 PM

See ehn See - by Yajirobe - 05-25-2007, 11:22 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 11:23 PM

See ehn See - by Bardock - 05-25-2007, 11:23 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 11:33 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 02:39 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 02:43 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 02:48 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 02:59 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 03:00 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 03:02 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 03:12 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-26-2007, 08:33 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 08:39 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-26-2007, 12:06 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 12:41 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-26-2007, 01:10 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-26-2007, 01:14 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-26-2007, 01:22 PM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-26-2007, 02:24 PM

See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-26-2007, 02:28 PM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-26-2007, 02:33 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 03:52 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-26-2007, 04:09 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 04:13 PM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 05:49 PM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-26-2007, 07:21 PM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-26-2007, 11:05 PM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-27-2007, 01:04 AM

See ehn See - by Paragus - 05-27-2007, 01:07 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-27-2007, 01:30 AM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-27-2007, 01:37 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-27-2007, 04:16 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-27-2007, 07:01 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-27-2007, 10:22 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-27-2007, 10:26 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-28-2007, 04:39 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:23 PM

See ehn See - by Yamu - 05-28-2007, 10:25 PM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-28-2007, 10:33 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:34 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:40 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-28-2007, 10:45 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:56 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-28-2007, 11:02 PM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-28-2007, 11:03 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-29-2007, 12:48 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-29-2007, 12:50 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 12:58 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-30-2007, 01:05 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 03:06 AM

See ehn See - by Vegeta - 05-30-2007, 03:10 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 03:22 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-30-2007, 03:41 AM

See ehn See - by Saz - 05-31-2007, 12:28 AM

See ehn See - by Mowgli - 05-31-2007, 07:17 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-31-2007, 12:44 PM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-31-2007, 08:53 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-31-2007, 09:00 PM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 12:58 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 01:05 AM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 01:11 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 01:22 AM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 01:27 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 06-01-2007, 01:28 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 02:24 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 06-01-2007, 02:26 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 02:40 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 06-01-2007, 02:41 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 06:50 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 10:01 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 11:20 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-02-2007, 12:45 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-02-2007, 01:56 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-02-2007, 03:07 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 06-04-2007, 03:22 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-04-2007, 03:34 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-04-2007, 03:37 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 06-04-2007, 03:40 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-04-2007, 03:41 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-04-2007, 12:13 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 06-07-2007, 08:20 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 06-07-2007, 11:27 PM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-07-2007, 11:43 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-09-2007, 03:46 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-10-2007, 01:58 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 06-10-2007, 02:35 AM

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