See ehn See

[Bojack]

EDIT: Zangya, please read carefully. =/

Bra has nice description and character. You fill every minute thing with something 'Bra', and that's what makes your posts stand out from everybody else's. Sometimes the description goes a little overboard:

?I?m Princess Bra Briefs, of the Vegeta Dynasty, ruling family of Vegeta-Sei. I?m seventeen, was a super saiyan by the age of eleven, and I?m a whole hell of a lot stronger now than I was back then.? retorted the halfling with an uncharacteristic smirk of arrogance.

I'm a stickler when it comes to dialogue description... I believe that a simple 'she said' usually does the trick. This is an example of why adding more makes it clunky. Reading that paragraph of Bra speaking, I formulated on my own that she was being arrogant. You are a good writer and there is no need to thrust imagery upon us. Good writers only need to show and not tell.

I really liked the part where you summoned that monster (sorry, Im not familiar) and the guy was all 'yeah, yeah' and then he was all 'holy fux, lemme alone!' when he saw what it really was. That was great.

The last sentence was pwn. You have a knack for 'scientific' writing... like 'quantum computers' and 'split into atoms'. You would make a really good hard sci fi author. Or a good android on here. =P

Me: Dante's Abyss 2007 Sign-Ups