See ehn See

[Raditzu]

I definitely like your style, GJ. I generally get a good deal of enjoyment from reading your stuff and you're actually one of the few members whose RPs I try to read. May not sound like much, but that's definitely a compliment.

You have a way of choosing words that, in general usage, come out clunky and awkward. I think you have a pretty unique vocabulary and you pull off a flow that most people wouldn't even come close to. At least with your word choice.

You don't do anything with punctuation, and I think it would really add to the flow and feel of your writing in general. You make sentence fragment where a colon would have been perfect, or leave out a comma where it would have helped clarify a sentence. I think if you just play around with dashes (I think that's one mark of punctuation that would be perfect for your writing), semicolons, colons, and paragraph spacing, we would see your writing really take on a new form. Probably a good one.

You have a solid handle on how you like to form your descriptions, how to play your character, and how to make interactions between GJ and others interesting to read. My only real suggestion would be to play around with something different; a couple words you don't normally use, using themes you don't normally touch on, or maybe portray Garlic's actions from a new point of view might end up working really well for you. It could also end up sucking, but that's the fun of experimentation.

EDIT: Oh yeah...

Burter vs Raditzu

I guess someone can CnC that one if they want. I wasn't really looking for feedback, I just wanted to reply to GJ's request.