See ehn See

[Yamu]

Originally posted by Jeice
I do I do!

Yamu vs Jeice

It's been a while since I RP'ed a spar, so I'm interested to know how other people think I did.

I like that you keep the focus on your character without keeping all of your attention there. You can tell Jeice is the point, but you incorporated Yamu into it well, making him more then just a supporting actor, but an integral part to the story.

You Fight Write well, the flow of the battle seems plausible, don't doubt your abilities there. You give the right amount of description so that what you're seeing in your own mind's eye get translated without micro-managing the images to the point where the reader gets bored.

The only thing I would say to work on is length. I like short posts as well, but you should shoot for 800-1000, especially with the limit on RPs, you want to make sure every one counts. It seemed like just when I got into your writing, it was over.

Of course...don't err to much the other way, especially in DA, since Burter is grading.


Yamu vs. Jeice 2