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See ehn See

OldPikkon Offline

Junior Member

Posts: 18
Threads: 13
Joined: Apr 2007

#98

05-25-2007, 04:57 AM

Quote:Originally posted by Cargo
I read the second one. It was a good post, but nothing said "wow" to me. That is similar for a bunch of people, including me in DA. If you can add the "X-Factor" to your posts, you would have a good shot to win.

C&C on the first RP in the thread: Day 1: Afternoon

Not the best writer here, but looking for some feedback, so Cargo I took a look at your post.

The description I thought was great, written really well. Though I got a little lost with Cargo talking to himself, lol who talks to themselves that much, obviously he does. I didn't see any real bad grammar or spelling errors and, well yea the post got me intrigued I will be sure to read your upcoming posts in DA. Well done.

If thats ok, I'd like to get feedback on my first post in Day 1: Afternoon

Thanks, im not the best writer and that's why I would like some help Smile

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See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 04:40 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 04:41 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 04:49 AM

See ehn See - by Olibu - 05-09-2007, 05:17 AM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-09-2007, 06:41 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 06:49 AM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-09-2007, 06:51 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM

See ehn See - by Android-18 - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-09-2007, 06:53 AM

See ehn See - by Reijin - 05-09-2007, 08:32 AM

See ehn See - by Grandpa Gohan - 05-09-2007, 10:17 PM

See ehn See - by Whompt - 05-10-2007, 12:41 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-10-2007, 12:49 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-10-2007, 01:06 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-10-2007, 03:34 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 01:53 AM

See ehn See - by Kirano - 05-11-2007, 02:01 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-11-2007, 02:02 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-11-2007, 02:03 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-11-2007, 02:04 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-11-2007, 02:09 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 02:51 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-11-2007, 02:56 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 02:58 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-11-2007, 03:01 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-11-2007, 03:05 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-11-2007, 12:42 PM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-12-2007, 02:31 PM

See ehn See - by King Cold444 - 05-12-2007, 03:43 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-13-2007, 05:10 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 05-13-2007, 11:20 PM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-13-2007, 11:30 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-13-2007, 11:39 PM

See ehn See - by Bojack - 05-13-2007, 11:49 PM

See ehn See - by Tobias - 05-14-2007, 03:46 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-14-2007, 04:57 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-14-2007, 05:27 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-15-2007, 08:52 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-16-2007, 02:11 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 05:39 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:42 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 05:43 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:47 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-16-2007, 05:59 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-16-2007, 06:03 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 12:05 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 12:15 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:04 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 01:06 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:20 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 01:31 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-17-2007, 01:36 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 02:22 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-17-2007, 02:47 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-17-2007, 02:51 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-17-2007, 02:57 AM

See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-17-2007, 03:16 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-22-2007, 02:10 AM

See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-22-2007, 02:26 AM

See ehn See - by Tapion - 05-22-2007, 03:12 AM

See ehn See - by Yamu - 05-22-2007, 02:15 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-22-2007, 11:17 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-23-2007, 12:15 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-23-2007, 12:17 AM

See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-23-2007, 12:29 AM

See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-23-2007, 02:19 AM

See ehn See - by Jeice - 05-23-2007, 02:23 AM

See ehn See - by Android-18 - 05-23-2007, 06:23 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-23-2007, 11:16 PM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-24-2007, 01:00 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-24-2007, 01:15 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-24-2007, 02:14 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-24-2007, 12:32 PM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 05-24-2007, 11:34 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-24-2007, 11:37 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 12:46 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 12:47 AM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:37 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 05-25-2007, 01:38 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:39 AM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:43 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 05-25-2007, 01:43 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:46 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 01:55 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-25-2007, 02:02 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 02:03 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:09 AM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-25-2007, 02:10 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:11 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 02:15 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 02:16 AM

See ehn See - by Nori - 05-25-2007, 02:21 AM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 03:10 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-25-2007, 03:13 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-25-2007, 04:24 AM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 04:29 AM

See ehn See - by OldPikkon - 05-25-2007, 04:57 AM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 12:29 PM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-25-2007, 01:07 PM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-25-2007, 01:14 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-25-2007, 06:24 PM

See ehn See - by Vegeta - 05-25-2007, 08:35 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 08:46 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 08:53 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 11:02 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-25-2007, 11:07 PM

See ehn See - by Yajirobe - 05-25-2007, 11:22 PM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-25-2007, 11:23 PM

See ehn See - by Bardock - 05-25-2007, 11:23 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-25-2007, 11:33 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 02:39 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 02:43 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 02:48 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 02:59 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 03:00 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 03:02 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 03:12 AM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-26-2007, 08:33 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 08:39 AM

See ehn See - by Old Zangya - 05-26-2007, 12:06 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-26-2007, 12:41 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-26-2007, 01:10 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-26-2007, 01:14 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-26-2007, 01:22 PM

See ehn See - by Orion - 05-26-2007, 02:24 PM

See ehn See - by Nappa - 05-26-2007, 02:28 PM

See ehn See - by Burter - 05-26-2007, 02:33 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 03:52 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 05-26-2007, 04:09 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-26-2007, 04:13 PM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-26-2007, 05:49 PM

See ehn See - by OldSpice - 05-26-2007, 07:21 PM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-26-2007, 11:05 PM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-27-2007, 01:04 AM

See ehn See - by Paragus - 05-27-2007, 01:07 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-27-2007, 01:30 AM

See ehn See - by Minoshia - 05-27-2007, 01:37 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-27-2007, 04:16 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 05-27-2007, 07:01 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-27-2007, 10:22 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-27-2007, 10:26 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-28-2007, 04:39 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:23 PM

See ehn See - by Yamu - 05-28-2007, 10:25 PM

See ehn See - by Super Buu - 05-28-2007, 10:33 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:34 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:40 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 05-28-2007, 10:45 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-28-2007, 10:56 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-28-2007, 11:02 PM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-28-2007, 11:03 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-29-2007, 12:48 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-29-2007, 12:50 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 12:58 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-30-2007, 01:05 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 03:06 AM

See ehn See - by Vegeta - 05-30-2007, 03:10 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 05-30-2007, 03:22 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 05-30-2007, 03:41 AM

See ehn See - by Saz - 05-31-2007, 12:28 AM

See ehn See - by Mowgli - 05-31-2007, 07:17 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-31-2007, 12:44 PM

See ehn See - by Bujin - 05-31-2007, 08:53 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 05-31-2007, 09:00 PM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 12:58 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 01:05 AM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 01:11 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 01:22 AM

See ehn See - by Celipa - 06-01-2007, 01:27 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 06-01-2007, 01:28 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 02:24 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 06-01-2007, 02:26 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 02:40 AM

See ehn See - by Deo - 06-01-2007, 02:41 AM

See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 06:50 PM

See ehn See - by Aero - 06-01-2007, 10:01 PM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-01-2007, 11:20 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-02-2007, 12:45 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-02-2007, 01:56 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-02-2007, 03:07 AM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 06-04-2007, 03:22 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-04-2007, 03:34 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-04-2007, 03:37 AM

See ehn See - by Burter - 06-04-2007, 03:40 AM

See ehn See - by Retane - 06-04-2007, 03:41 AM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-04-2007, 12:13 PM

See ehn See - by Raditzu - 06-07-2007, 08:20 PM

See ehn See - by Deo - 06-07-2007, 11:27 PM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-07-2007, 11:43 PM

See ehn See - by Jinpo - 06-09-2007, 03:46 AM

See ehn See - by Android 17 - 06-10-2007, 01:58 AM

See ehn See - by Bra - 06-10-2007, 02:35 AM

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