See ehn See

[Super Buu]

First of all, I'm pretty heavy on critique so don't be offended.

A few of your sentences didn't work well. The rain 'scolding' his burns didn't make much sense - I would have put 'cooled' in there. This also sounded a bit awkward: "Soon the entire sky revealed it?s blue tinge and the sun shone brightly its rays lapping up as much of the earth as it could." Lapping up the earth doesn't make sense to me, but then I'm not the most poetic writer. >_> That said, you can use some pretty metaphors but sometimes it's like you're trying to push something beautiful when you should just be lettin' it flow. It's like giving birth.

Wait ... you're actually supposed to push when giving birth? Fuck ... some other analogy then.

I think you need to develop Pikkon's character, or at least show it more, and for that you need company. My advice is to take a risk and find a group of people who'll take you in. Dialogue lets your character come out, and it's difficult to do that with no others to interact with. =P

Mai First RP. Probably better than yesterday's.