See ehn See

[Retane]

Originally posted by Android 17
I thought you did pretty well, Retane. The first paragraph threw me off a little bit due to my lack of information pertaining to your previous exploits. Good use of paragraph structure and whatnot to stress emphasis, but you repeated that method a few times. You might want to try using other means to make sure the reader knows that some serious shit/thought is running through Retane's head.

Your mechanics seem good in my mind in the sense that I can't see any blatant slip-ups. Keep it up, and I don't foresee you having any problem coasting through any roadblocks you encounter.

I hope that helps, Retane.

Here's mine: Day One: Afternoon

Helps alot. I'll try to perfect it. Never said I was much of an expert lol. Thanks man.