See ehn See

[Deo]

Originally posted by Retane
Day One: Evening

Meh there wasn't anything to C-C

It was pretty short, but within the boundaries, so you can't be called on that.

...as he turned to his friend, his visage remained hard. XD I got yaoi flashes...it scared me for a bit. Then I just lol'd.

I do think that it was too internal, especially in a saga that's supposed to be about the almost constant feeling and need to be on the move or be dead, but I suppose it worked since you were focusing on developing your characters grudge against other's. You did mention the deaths, but not the over all quote of Jak, which I think you could have done and given yourself more to react to and work with.

I think also you could have had a bit of conversation between Retane and Tap, if only to make things have more...memorable points instead of a few large chunks of inner monologue.

Over all, the idea of him playing out like he was preparing to assassinate the entire island in one night was pretty cool, but there could have been more conversation and a bit more progression (Be it conversation resolution or just movement)

Day One: Afternoon

pls