See ehn See

[Aero]

Originally posted by Retane
Day Two: Morning

It was a decent read; felt a bit like another filler. I am glad that you didn't get too in-depth with the actions, because then it would have been boring and about 500 words longer. One thing I picked up that was rather annoying was the fact that a lot of sentences began like directions.

Placing the weapon to the temple of the decapitated member, the assassin pulled the trigger.

That gets really annoying. It's okay to do it maybe once. Hell, you might get away with it twice. You used it about 6 or 7 times though, and it really distracted me.

As said before, you have too many substitute words for your character's name. It's okay to say Retane twice in the same paragraph. No one really cares.


Anyway, for the rating . . . 6.7/10

The "directional sentences" really determined a large portion of that score.