06-05-2007, 09:11 PM
First, any role-play you make must be 300 words minimum. Yours is 125. Secondly, we write in paragraph format, and you seem to be writing in script format. Take a look at your role-play, and then take a look at the one below, which is completely edited.
My suggestion to you, before I point out anything else, is to write in Microsoft Word, because you really need to work on spelling and punctuation, and that will help with the basics. If you don't have Word, use Spellchecker.net.
Write another role-play in paragraph form, or how you would see in a book.
And finally, stop making multiple threads. Use this one and this one only.
Quote:Nappa was a man that loved to fight. One day, he was ordered to go to Earth by Frieza with Vegeta. He could not help but to wonder how strong he was after the time he spent training with the little green men, so he decided to go test his strength out along with Vegeta.
Nappa said, ?Hey Vegeta, is it true our race can become super saiyans??
Vegeta replied, ?Of course Nappa. It?s in our blood. Our race is a proud race.?
The both got into space pods and took off towards Earth.
Nappa said, ?I?d love to become a super saiyan to see what it?s like, don?t you Vegeta??
Vegeta answered, ?Of course. Then I, or we, will take Frieza down once and for all.?
My suggestion to you, before I point out anything else, is to write in Microsoft Word, because you really need to work on spelling and punctuation, and that will help with the basics. If you don't have Word, use Spellchecker.net.
Write another role-play in paragraph form, or how you would see in a book.
And finally, stop making multiple threads. Use this one and this one only.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=Pass you by, it's all in this life you have
Pass you by, good-bye to you=_
Pass you by, good-bye to you=_