06-07-2007, 03:31 AM
Let's try a few exercises to see if you comprehend what Bardock has explained.
This is the roleplay we'll be working with for this class, along with a few of my own. Pay attention, and keep up the effort, and hopefully, by the time we are through, you will come out with the skills you need to roleplay at Chubbs. =)
Referring to Bardock's revision, he did a nice cleanup of your roleplay, but I want to see what you can do to improve it. Sometimes, to bring out the best writing you can, you need to take time, and patience.
Like Bardock had mentioned, spellcheck is a great tool. Also, do you have Microsoft Word? It has a built in spellchecker that is very useful, as well as a word counting tool. It is a program that I use almost religiously.
Ok, reading over your roleplay, I would like to make a few observations. Before I continue, however, I would like to ask you not to get offended by any input suggested by myself, or my co-mentors. We are here to help you! =) It can be frustrating, yes, but in the end, you will become a better writer because of it. Becoming a good writer takes time, patience, and persistance, so just because you don't get something right the first time, don't lose hope!
Alrighty, onto my observations. We shall work on these things one at a time, alright? When I am comfortable that you are learning, we will move on to another section, and soon, you'll be ready to roleplay, so make sure you check this thread often. I am almost always available both here and on AIM, check my profile for my screen name if you ever need any help.
First, let's work on your punctuation. Spelling, we shall work on that throughout this class, so don't worry about that just at the moment, although, please keep it in mind as you are working.
Your first exercise!
Remember, we'll work on punctuation first, then we'll move on how to improve the roleplay. (*Note: since this is such a short roleplay, we will work its entirety in this exercise.*)
What I want you to do, is go through this peice of writing, and fix the punctuation. For example,
When a person is speaking, ALWAYS put their speech in double quotes, which look like this " ".
So, it would look like this (changes are in bold):
Now, we can take this a step further, and put this in third person perspective(Which is what we here at Chubbs write in, although, those who have a good grasp on other perspectives sometimes write in those. This style is preferred, though.), and perhaps switch around a few words to make it more interesting. Follow along!
Notice the adjective, "burly". An adjective can be defined as a word that further describes a noun (Nappa, in this case), and can give a better mental image of our speaker. Adjectives are good, they are like the chocolate sprinkles on our ice cream! Just remember that too much can be a bad thing, but we'll work on that later. =)
Now, take the rest of that roleplay (Feel free to use my revised sentence, if you wish) and fix the punctuation. When you complete that, we will move on to the next exercise!
Quote:* nappa was a man that loved to fight one day he was orderd to go to earth by frezza with vegeta he could not help but to wounder how strong he was after the time he spent traning with the littel green men so he desided to go test his streath out along with vegeta
nappa; hay vegeta is it true oure race can becom ssjs?
;vegeta of cours nappa its in our blood our race is a proud race
* they both get in space pods and take off torwds earth
* nappa ied love to becom a ssj to see what its like dount you vegeta?
* vegeta of cours then i or we will take freeza down once and for all
This is the roleplay we'll be working with for this class, along with a few of my own. Pay attention, and keep up the effort, and hopefully, by the time we are through, you will come out with the skills you need to roleplay at Chubbs. =)
Referring to Bardock's revision, he did a nice cleanup of your roleplay, but I want to see what you can do to improve it. Sometimes, to bring out the best writing you can, you need to take time, and patience.
Like Bardock had mentioned, spellcheck is a great tool. Also, do you have Microsoft Word? It has a built in spellchecker that is very useful, as well as a word counting tool. It is a program that I use almost religiously.
Ok, reading over your roleplay, I would like to make a few observations. Before I continue, however, I would like to ask you not to get offended by any input suggested by myself, or my co-mentors. We are here to help you! =) It can be frustrating, yes, but in the end, you will become a better writer because of it. Becoming a good writer takes time, patience, and persistance, so just because you don't get something right the first time, don't lose hope!
Alrighty, onto my observations. We shall work on these things one at a time, alright? When I am comfortable that you are learning, we will move on to another section, and soon, you'll be ready to roleplay, so make sure you check this thread often. I am almost always available both here and on AIM, check my profile for my screen name if you ever need any help.
First, let's work on your punctuation. Spelling, we shall work on that throughout this class, so don't worry about that just at the moment, although, please keep it in mind as you are working.
Your first exercise!
Remember, we'll work on punctuation first, then we'll move on how to improve the roleplay. (*Note: since this is such a short roleplay, we will work its entirety in this exercise.*)
Quote:* nappa was a man that loved to fight one day he was orderd to go to earth by frezza with vegeta he could not help but to wounder how strong he was after the time he spent traning with the littel green men so he desided to go test his streath out along with vegeta
nappa; hay vegeta is it true oure race can becom ssjs?
;vegeta of cours nappa its in our blood our race is a proud race
* they both get in space pods and take off torwds earth
* nappa ied love to becom a ssj to see what its like dount you vegeta?
* vegeta of cours then i or we will take freeza down once and for all
What I want you to do, is go through this peice of writing, and fix the punctuation. For example,
Quote:nappa; hay vegeta is it true oure race can becom ssjs?
When a person is speaking, ALWAYS put their speech in double quotes, which look like this " ".
So, it would look like this (changes are in bold):
Quote:Nappa: "Hay, Vegeta, is it true our race can become ssjs?"
Now, we can take this a step further, and put this in third person perspective(Which is what we here at Chubbs write in, although, those who have a good grasp on other perspectives sometimes write in those. This style is preferred, though.), and perhaps switch around a few words to make it more interesting. Follow along!
Quote:"Hey, Vegeta;" the burly saiyan asked. "Isn't it true that our race can become Super Saiyans?"
Notice the adjective, "burly". An adjective can be defined as a word that further describes a noun (Nappa, in this case), and can give a better mental image of our speaker. Adjectives are good, they are like the chocolate sprinkles on our ice cream! Just remember that too much can be a bad thing, but we'll work on that later. =)
Now, take the rest of that roleplay (Feel free to use my revised sentence, if you wish) and fix the punctuation. When you complete that, we will move on to the next exercise!
![[Image: visigjune08_v2.jpg]](http://storm.novahost.org/mysigs/visigjune08_v2.jpg)
Fuck you, Photobucket.