nappa

[Violet]

Its not that you went wrong, its just I don't feel you're not ready for Chubbs yet. The latest sample was a big improvement over your beginning ones, but you still need alot of work.

Take a look at this roleplay: The Broken Road . Read it all over, (please) and study his style of writing. Burter employs a certain method to his writing, his metaphorical twist on words, and colorful descriptions. This is pretty much the way the rest of us write here. 3rd person, past tense. This is a great sample for you to study.

For the next two days, I want you to take the roleplay you just posted, fix the line breaks, and change it to third person past tense. You change from third person past to third person present. If you can correct this, that would be lovely. Consistancy, as well as patience and diligence, are key here.

So, spend the next two days on your own and employ the advice that myself, Seventeen, and Bardock have given, and we'll see where to go from there.

If you need assistance, feel free to contact me on AOL instant messenger at TweakedCU. I will be happy to look over your sample personally and suggest changes if you get stuck.