06-08-2006, 03:58 AM
Patience is a virtue.
Frozen Darkness just turned into shit during D.A., didn't it? Damn.
First of all, I've never read any of Koola's stuff, and Silver has done a complete 180 from when I last commented on his writing, so forgive my lack of insight.
To be blunt, these spirits or whatever in your weapons are irritating. I can't explain why, but I really, really hate them. That takes away about eighty percent of my interest right there. Since it is your prerogative, you both keep on truckin' with that idea, but I personally don't like it and recommend you do something else.
KOOLA:
I am disappointed you went into that wanting to lose. Knowing you're going to lose and actually wanting to lose are two completely different things. I am baffled as to why you would ever want to lose a death match aside from obvious reasons. Aside from that, your character's affinity to water is awesome. That was probably my favorite part was mentally watching that unfold.
SILVER:
Your portrayal of anger was very well done. You have improved since the last time I critiqued. While you may have jumped from one cliche to another, you are getting to be a better writer.
Frozen Darkness just turned into shit during D.A., didn't it? Damn.
First of all, I've never read any of Koola's stuff, and Silver has done a complete 180 from when I last commented on his writing, so forgive my lack of insight.
To be blunt, these spirits or whatever in your weapons are irritating. I can't explain why, but I really, really hate them. That takes away about eighty percent of my interest right there. Since it is your prerogative, you both keep on truckin' with that idea, but I personally don't like it and recommend you do something else.
KOOLA:
I am disappointed you went into that wanting to lose. Knowing you're going to lose and actually wanting to lose are two completely different things. I am baffled as to why you would ever want to lose a death match aside from obvious reasons. Aside from that, your character's affinity to water is awesome. That was probably my favorite part was mentally watching that unfold.
SILVER:
Your portrayal of anger was very well done. You have improved since the last time I critiqued. While you may have jumped from one cliche to another, you are getting to be a better writer.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
_=So wake me when it's through
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_
I don't want to feel the things that you do
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I just don't want this dream, wake me up inside=_