C & C on some writing.

[Jinpo]

This is a story based on David Sedaris's Me Talk Pretty One Day. I wrote this in his style.

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Magic Man

I started out doing small time gigs, entertaining audiences consisting mainly of small children. The looks of astonishment were to be expected as I would pull the not-so-traditional Chihuahua out of my hat. Oohs and Aahs filled the homes of the birthday boys and girls. I, on the other hand, stood in front of the crowd with an expression I could only describe as bored to death. Luckily for me, a big time promoter was in the audience and was down on his luck. His last magician was killed when his tiger bit his head off. After the routine, he approached me and soon I was performing on a large stage in front of thousands of people. Of course, I could now saw myself in half without tears erupting from the audience. The same Oohs and Aahs flooded the building, but the difference was that these were sophisticated Oohs and Aahs. Marquees lit up with the headline ?David Sedaris ? The Magic Man? and word quickly spread that I was the best thing since sliced bread, and I agreed.

Did I mention that I actually have powers?

As I child, everything came to me. Literally. I discovered at a very early age that I could do anything I wanted, any time I wanted. If a bully tried to take my lunch money, he?d suddenly break out with an extreme case of hives. If someone made fun of my speech impediment, they would unexpectedly catch laryngitis. If I my greatest desire at the time was a half-sausage, half-pepperoni, no sauce, deep dish pizza, I?d make one appear.

I coasted through life using my magic powers to make things easy for me, not that I couldn?t have gotten by on my massive intelligence. This just seemed more interesting, and I was making six figures. Not a bad way to live.

During one of my wildly successful shows, I acted on impulse. Now, normally, people?s thoughts and concerns don?t matter to me, however, today was a good day; the slightly taller and more muscular Hugh had proposed earlier. I called out to the crowd at the Bellagio in Vegas, ?What do you want to see?? while silently thinking to myself, ?Just as long as it?s not making someone disappear.?
?Make my mother-in-law vanish!!!! Materialize me some money!!!!!! Get rid of those damn Jehovah?s Witnesses!!!!!!!?

I also possessed the power to read minds.

?Make God disappear.?

The words seemed to hang in the air as everyone in the auditorium quickly fell silent. The crowd moved away from the middle-aged balding man who uttered these blasphemous words. If he actually hated God or he was a rabid magician hater who was trying to prove me to be a fake, I?ll never know. The simple idea of making God vanish was laughable. In fact, I chortled out loud until I noticed that his face didn?t change.

?You serious??

Responding with a quick nod, the only emotion he displayed was a single tear. I didn?t know what God had ever done to him, but it was out of sheer curiosity that I actually considered it. I didn?t have much time to think as another audience member yelled out ?Yeah! DO IT!!!!? Slowly, the entire crowd began to stir. The thought that I, The Magic Man, might attempt to make ?The Almighty Father? disappear is just absurd. It would be a nifty little experiment.

I snapped my fingers once.

?Ok. Done.? I declared, ?Thanks a lot for coming out. Drive home safely and don?t forget to tip your waitresses.? Trying my best to contain my laughter, I hurriedly walked behind the curtain, the crowd now roaring at an empty stage. For a simple magician, I could really shake things up, and I was proud. My craft had finally been put to good use. I took the private elevator up to my penthouse suite and flipped on the television only to hear my name.

?Tonight?s Top Story ? Is God really gone??

While the anchor was delivering her eloquent report, cutaways of pandemonium and mass panic were flashing up on the screen. Churches were lit on fire and crucifixes littered the streets. I laid on the bed soaking in all the attention I was getting especially because all I did was snap my fingers.

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I'm going to add more at the end but I have to go now.