Uh, a little help please.

[Hellfighter 17]

You switch betwene third-person to firs-person, with the lines "The soldiers liberating them" and "The guns['] voices rising, voicing our slaughter." Also, the third line makes no sense.

In stanza three, first line, I think you should revise. First of all, it is second-person, "yours" is "your," and "suffocating you" or "suffocation" would work much better.

Yay for moved to the workshop.