12-05-2006, 04:45 AM
As Yamcha didn't leave a link...
Burter: I liked it; there were some interesting writing techniques used in their, and it's nice to see people not afraid to break some grammatical rules in order to make a text more palatable (one word sentences ftw). I only spotted the occasional true error in there, such as "Without milliseconds", when I'm sure you meant "within"; also "if you're dead" when I think it means "if you're not dead"... Unless that was just a real mistake on the part of the character. >_>
Overall? It was good; it could just use a little polishing - perhaps a second read through after an hour or so away - to really shine.
Yamcha: Your post immediately prior to Burts runs into some danger of being a little too glib, but at least it keeps up a brisk pace. I personally could've used more description, but that's a totally personal point.
You kept me reading until the end of the post. You just, sort of like Burter, might find a second read through beneficial. Also, some weird grammar omissions there, which were weird because you would use the same rules find later O_o (some periods missing completely from dialogue; not even a comma to relieve their panting breath :*( ). But you've definitely got great potential.
Link to mine:
Kid Buu acts like a douche. Surprise!
Burter: I liked it; there were some interesting writing techniques used in their, and it's nice to see people not afraid to break some grammatical rules in order to make a text more palatable (one word sentences ftw). I only spotted the occasional true error in there, such as "Without milliseconds", when I'm sure you meant "within"; also "if you're dead" when I think it means "if you're not dead"... Unless that was just a real mistake on the part of the character. >_>
Overall? It was good; it could just use a little polishing - perhaps a second read through after an hour or so away - to really shine.
Yamcha: Your post immediately prior to Burts runs into some danger of being a little too glib, but at least it keeps up a brisk pace. I personally could've used more description, but that's a totally personal point.
You kept me reading until the end of the post. You just, sort of like Burter, might find a second read through beneficial. Also, some weird grammar omissions there, which were weird because you would use the same rules find later O_o (some periods missing completely from dialogue; not even a comma to relieve their panting breath :*( ). But you've definitely got great potential.
Link to mine:
Kid Buu acts like a douche. Surprise!
![[Image: Bellesig6-1.jpg]](http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff137/catseye543/Bellesig6-1.jpg)