When You Wish...

[Belle Hibiki]

It might be a little early to ask for critiques after one post and all, but I thought that I should get it started anyway.

LINK

Myself, I felt like I was trying too hard to stretch it out, and I have no idea if the beginning "grabbed" anyone. So yeah. What do you guys think?

[Super Buu]

Damn you, I was trying to save reading this for some far-off indulgence. Now I'm going to be antsy until you write the next post. </Subliminal messaging>

As always, my favourite part is the brilliant narration. It manages to keep the story interesting without being obstructive (as I, among others, have often done, by adding gigantic paragraphs of narration). In terms of the story, there's not much to comment on yet, but it's certainly piqued my curiosity. You've really set things up and got people salivating for the second post. Gud jaerb.

Now I have but one thing to say: more plz

[Belle Hibiki]

*HeadBUMP*

[Belle Hibiki]

RARRRRRRRRRGH *bump*

[Juno]

Belle, do you still have this? I've been reading around the site and I want to read it, but I can't seem to find it.

[Piper Juunanagou]

http://www.cdbzrpg.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17461

First page of the Outer Space forum =X

[Juno]

Oh XD

[Belle Hibiki]

I wouldn't really bother reading it. I sort of lost the inspiration somewhere in the middle and stopped.

It was gonna be epic, though.

[Juno]

Oh. Uh. Okay then.